To Marry for Love or Money...by Erica Diamond
We’ve all seen them in our communities. The girl who marries not for love, nor companionship, nor even looks for that matter. It’s the woman who marries for money. Hello, Anna Nicole Smith? If you would marry for money, my friends, you are not alone. A popular female survey yielded the astonishing result that one quarter of educated urban women, earning above a certain income, would marry for money. People have been marrying for money since the beginning of time. And let’s not kid ourselves. Marrying a man who will take care of you financially and shower you with many luxurious comforts feels quite nice.
Money vs. Personality
But before you so decide to judge these "gold-digging" women for being shallow, how is marrying for money any different than marrying for looks or other things? I once had the biggest crush on and briefly dated the hottest guy, who just so happened to have come from an uber wealthy family as well (we’re talking planes, trains and automobiles wealthy). I was way more attracted to his beautiful face than his money, but whatever. Anyhow, this guy turned out to be a total schmuck. Arrogant, narcissistic, and more. OK, when I closed my eyes for the next 6 months, did I see his face in my head? Yes. But no amount of money, nor looks could get me past that personality.
Gold-Digging or Survival?
So now, I would like to present a real case of marrying for money and perhaps put you on the fence for a moment. I know a girl who grew up without financial means. When it came time to choose a mate, she chose “wisely” for herself. She didn’t choose for friendship. She didn’t even choose for looks. She chose for money, for security, and for a better life than she had experienced growing up. Poverty haunted her, and she wanted away from that lifestyle, at any cost. Now, a few kids later, she's still married. It’s not like she married an 80-year-old man, or someone completely dumb and uninteresting. But he is boring, and he is sort of like a dead fish. However, he gives her stability and even friendship, and she is not going anywhere fast. So you could argue, her marrying for money was not about gold-digging, it was about survival.
My Parents Married for Love
I look at my parents today. Married 37 years. They truly have a remarkable marriage. Love, respect and a deep friendship. Granted, no one’s perfect all the time, and frankly, I’m not quite sure how much sex they still have (sorry, mom), but here is a genuine example of marrying for love. In this case, it was my MOM who came from a well-off family. My dad grew up lacking many resources and worked hard juggling MBA school and a job to help his parents out financially. He had very little to offer my mom monetarily back then, but she fell head over heels in love nonetheless. He wooed her with his personality, charm, and goodness. Today, they no longer struggle, but she married my dad for every right reason in the world. And she loves and respects him deeply still.
Don't Be So Quick to Judge
So, I ask you again about judgment. Do we have the right to judge someone who marries for money? Do we know what their motives were? Would we be so different if the opportunity presented itself?