20 Lies I Tell My Children

shockedboy

The saying goes “honesty is the best policy”. That is what my parents taught me and that’s what I teach my children. Throughout their lives, I have encouraged them to always tell the truth. I really do believe this is the best policy, but here’s the thing…Moms and Dads lie sometimes.

I know it is hypocritical. If I’m being honest, I’m not above throwing out a quick, creative white lie (or a whopper, if necessary) for their own protection, to avoid a meltdown or just simply to have a second of peace and quiet. I have discovered that with kids, sometimes this is necessary for survival. One day they will grow up and realize all the lies they’ve been told all these years. Hopefully they will laugh. Once they have kids of their own, they will understand the desperation and why we did what we did.

A few tall tales that I have told my own children:

  1. No, I’m not leaving.
  2. Yes, you are coming with me.
  3. I’ll be back in 10 minutes.
  4. No, I’m not eating candy (as my mouth is packed full of chocolate).
  5. Your artwork is beautiful and amazing (Me thinking: “What the hell is that thing even supposed to be?”)
  6. No, we don’t have any more batteries for that (obnoxious) musical toy.
  7. If you don’t wear your seatbelt in the car, the police will know and arrest you immediately. (My middle – the one not so good under pressure- flips out and does the banshee scream if the car even moves an inch and she is not buckled yet. Success!)
  8. It’s past your bedtime (30 minutes before actual bedtime).
  9. Say “we’ll see” when I know damn well that the answer is “no”.
  10. Mommy is going to get fired for being so late and you will have no more toys or food or a house because I won’t have a job! NOW GET IN THE CAR! (Not my proudest mommy moment, but they got in the car!)
  11. Tell them I’m going to call their teacher to get the facts unless they tell me what happened at school (works every time).
  12. My food is super spicy; you won’t like it.
  13. You can NEVER go to Chuck E Cheese. You get the stomach flu there. (Maybe that one is not so farfetched)!
  14. The tooth fairy was running really late and didn’t make it before the sun came up…she’ll try again tomorrow.
  15. That sign right there says BE QUIET and NO RUNNING. Now we are going to get kicked out of the restaurant.
  16. Yes, that is “White” ham. (it is actually chicken or turkey).
  17. I don’t have any games or movies on my phone.
  18. The park is closed right now, sorry, we can’t go.
  19. That really loud, annoying, stupid toy must be lost (I hid it).
  20. I’ll be there in a minute. (when actually I have no intention of “Being there” in a minute).

There you have it. Don’t beat yourself up if some of these sound familiar. We all do it. If you say you don’t, you’re a big fat liar.

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