One of the greatest fears that surfaces with divorce is the fear of
being alone. Whether it’s the fear of growing old alone, sleeping
alone, eating alone or just plain being alone, the depth of fear it
evokes can be debilitating. There is no other time that this is more
pronounced than around the holidays. Negative fantasies about
how the holiday season will be spent can spiral any newly separated or
divorced person into a panic attack.
Questions
Here are some common questions
that our newly separated clients are asking about the holiday:
Will I feel embarrassed showing up at Thanksgiving without my Ex?
Will Christmas morning be lonely?
Will I have a date for New Years?
Will Santa come to both parents house?
Answers
The answer to all these questions is yes and no because you get to
decided the answer. How you experience the holidays alone is
completely within your control. At the end of the day you have many
different options of how to think about your holiday season alone.
Make A List
You have:
fantasies of what “should be”;
realities of what it was;
and possibilities of what “could be”.
Make three lists to help you determine what your choices are. Once you
have your lists, review your answers and decide which of them leaves
you feeling optimistic and hopeful. Let your imagination run wild,
anything not doable can be modified to work with your current
situation and lifestyle.
Use Alone Time to Your Advantage
Being on your own for the holidays is an opportunity to dig deep
within yourself to find your own true desires and sources of joy. Use
your alone time this holiday to get to know yourself. This will allow
you to create a holiday experience that is perfectly designed just for
you.
About the Authors
Andra Brosh, Ph.D. and Allison Pescosolido, M.A. are the leading divorce recovery experts in Los Angeles. Founders of Divorce Detox, a proven program guaranteed to speed recovery through the divorce transition, Andra and Allison are certified grief recovery experts, and both hold advanced degrees in the field of psychology. Friends for over 20 years, these dynamic women treat the trauma of divorce and see divorce as an opportunity for personal growth and a better life; they are changing the face of divorce in our society. Visit www.divorcedetox.com to learn more about their programs and cutting-edge work.
