T’was the Night Before Christmas… And I Have No Tools


I’ve always tried to create enjoyable childhood memories by integrating all the wonders that the Christmas holidays had to offer, even if it meant I’d be up for hours on Christmas Eve trying to assemble toys for my kids. Oh the frustration! After a couple of glasses of wine I’d give up. Then I’d have another glass of wine. When it came to assembling new toys, I was somewhat challenged. Where the front of the box read "some assembly required", it should read "some parts will probably be missing and may cause frustration and aggravation. You may experience sweating, uncontrollable cussing and outbursts!" I finally realized that if a toy took more than inserting batteries, then I didn’t buy it! If the puzzle didn’t advertise "easy" or "ages 1 through 5", I didn’t buy it. Basically, if it didn’t come with a cheeseburger, fries and a coke, I didn’t buy it!

My children also delighted in giving me gifts at every holiday. With three kids, you might be jealous to know that my pasta jewelry collection is almost complete (which I still maintain in a cool dry place). My “collection” of sparkling pasta jewelry constructed with crazy glue and sprinkled with glitter consists of multiple strands of macaroni necklaces, four manicotti bracelets, and bow tie pasta earrings that looked good enough to boil! My daughter is taunting me with the idea of a rigatoni toe ring this year! Whatever happened to the good old days when kids were making ashtrays out of clay? (God I miss the sixties!) When I was nine years old I made my father a black and white ashtray out of clay with my handprint in the center!

Just goes to prove, presents are not about the price but all about what we create… or the box they came in.
Affectionately nicknamed the “Dysfunctional Housewife” by her comedy group, the popular “Funniest Housewives of Orange County”- Julie Kidd, a single mom with three children who is too busy to cook. When she calls her kids to dinner, they run to the car! Julie is the author of “Momalogue, A Journey through a Single Mother’s Hood”. Her jokes have been featured in Good Housekeeping and in numerous comedy books including: Comedy Thesaurus, She’s So Funny, Mom This Jokes For You, and Loves Funny That Way. Kidd has performed on numerous television shows, including: ABC’s The View, Life Moments, Iyanla, What’s Up OC, Inside this Edition and Next Big Star. Julie’s advice: Don’t take yourself too seriously… To be a wonderful parent is powerful, but to do it with a sense of humor is magical! For more info visit www.THEFUNNYMOM.com



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