Things your twin babies DON’T need

As promised, here’s my short list of non-essential items for raising twins. Now, don’t get me wrong, I want my kids to be happy and healthy just like any other sane, well-meaning mother, but some things just aren’t needed. Some of the items in my list are based on personal preference and some (actually most) are just… well, ridiculous!

Tummy Tub
I don’t know about you, but when take a bath, I like to relax and stretch out. "Calgon, take me away!" Bathing in a bucket, doesn’t sound quite as appealing, especially at $89.98 for some models. Now, just to be clear, in my Having Twins? Here’s the gear you’ll need post, I did recommend a baby/toddler bathtub at a mere $15.99. This will allow you to comfortably bath your twins standing up by placing the tub on a counter, near the kitchen sink, perhaps. Trust me, your back will thank you! I am NOT recommending that you ever leave your children unattended by the kitchen sink, on a counter, or any high surface. (Why do I feel like I need a lawyer here… sad isn’t it?)

Pee Pee TeePee
These things remind me of the fancy napkin fold I used to do working at my Grandparents’ steakhouse back in the day. I don’t know about you, but when my children are having their diaper changed, they don’t lay still. A teepee on my little one’s wee wee would just end up on the floor.

Diaper Genie
I know lots of people that use these, so I’m tossing this out there as simply a personal preference. While I have nothing against odor barrier technology and funky garbage bags, baking soda and a plain ‘ol garbage can does the job.

Wipe Warmer
My little munchkins don’t squeal and squirm when I use unheated, room temperature wipes. I think they’re just happy to have a clean bum. However, I must say, the wipe warmer is an impressive reinvention of the washcloth with warm water.

Thudguard Helmet
Ok… did I miss something here? Isn’t falling down and going boom part of the learning process? And, my suspicion is that this apparatus would actually make a baby top-heavy, increasing their awkwardness, making them fall down even more. To cover my bases, I actually Goggled "percentage of babies that hit their head when learning to walk". While I didn’t find any percentages, I did find that people have actually posted versions of this question on several forums: "Do babies bump or hit their head when learning to how to walk?" Huh. Really? I thought that was common knowledge. Man, I’m probably going to get crucified for this post. Eh, a little controversy isn’t always a bad thing. However, just in case your baby does hit their head… PLEASE call your doctor!

Diapers with a Wetness Indicator
I recently received a little printout with my receipt after making a purchase at Walgreen’s. Not even a coupon, just an advertisement for Pampers diapers "now with Wetness Indicator". Oh, Pampers. While I’m happy for you, albeit somewhat surprised, that you continue to find new diapers to market to unsuspecting parents (kind of like American Girl reinventing the doll), I’m also very saddened. When was it that parents stopped recognizing that their kid’s diaper needs to be changed? It wasn’t after they peed through their clothes while sitting on their lap, it couldn’t have possibly been after smelling the poo stink that overwhelmed the room, or even after they simply tapped the diaper and found that it was hard as a rock. So, if it wasn’t after all those things… when did it happen? I’m getting a headache.

Shoes or worse yet, heels
This one tops the cake, and literally could. I have a hard time walking in heels. Why would I expect my 5-month-old daughter to wear them? Leopard print, nonetheless. Oh, I could go on here, but I must refrain.

Did I miss anything? Let me know!!



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