Taking Control of My Life

I saw my doctor this morning. I am back on meds for my depression, and have also been diagnosed with anxiety this time. The meds for my depression should help with the anxiety as well.

I took my first pill this morning. I began feeling better within just a couple of hours. My thinking was much more clear and focused. My thoughts were not quite so depressed and scary. I’m not 100% yet, that’ll take a couple weeks, but I’m better.

And I’m so glad I’m finally doing better. I didn’t like being inside my own head. I couldn’t stand my thoughts. I couldn’t deal with that empty feeling anymore.

I couldn’t feel anything. I knew that I love my children, but I couldn’t feel it. And that scared me more than anything ever has. I would rather have been suicidal than to not be able to feel the love I know I have for my children. I couldn’t feel the love I have for my boyfriend, and that scared me almost as much as not being able to feel the love for my kids.

It’s such a relief to start feeling better. To be able to think clearly again, to have a tiny bit of energy, to not want to cry in the shower.