Finding Realistic New Year’s Resolutions

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Now that Christmas is behind us, it is time to focus on some New Year’s Resolutions for 2011. I started to write some of them down and then realized that they are the same ones that I have been making for years.

I will lose 10 pounds and fit into my low-waist jeans without my mommy-muffin top flowing over the top. I will wake up each morning and brush my hair a thousand times so it shines and glows. I will embrace the words of my daughter, “you would look a lot younger if you wore your hair down” and let it cascade down over my shoulders. I will get organized this year. I will go and buy 50 plastic containers in every shape and size so I can organize and label everything in my house. I will get out into the dating world and really try and meet a nice guy. I will not give up hope that somewhere out there is a Prince Charming just looking for a nice woman with six children.

It will only take a few weeks before I will realize that maybe my New Year’s resolutions weren’t so attainable. A few weeks after the new year begins, I will remember that low-waist jeans were invented by some Victoria’s Secret model who gave birth to a baby and whose body snapped right back into its pre-baby shape. In order to tuck, fold, and hide my muffin top, what I need are “above-the-naval” jeans. The resolution of losing ten pounds will never happen because my metabolism is on permanent vacation. I will be really good about watching what I eat for a few weeks and then school will start back up and all the activities will begin and my diet will go back to consisting of a diet coke for breakfast and lunch and eating the crispy, burnt, corner pieces (the ones the kids won’t eat) of whatever quick, mystery casserole I have created when we run back in from practices at night. The idea of brushing my hair so much is really nice. I dream of a man running his fingers through my long beautiful hair. The reality is that if a man really did that today, he might never be able to get his hand out of my tangled mass of hair. I would love to have silky, smooth hair, but at some point after hitting forty it started falling out. Why is it that my weight and my cholesterol are more than happy to go up as I get older, but my hair has decided to get thinner? Last night after I got out of the shower, I noticed the amount of hair around the drain. I seriously thought about getting out my glue gun and putting some of the hair back on my head. So I am going to have to drop that from my list of New Year’s Resolutions.

About a week after my “get organized” resolution, I will realize that with two teenage girls who change outfits more frequently than someone hosting the Oscars, two boys who bring in enough dirt to fill the Grand Canyon, and two little girls who have turned their room into a restaurant complete with more toy food than an entire grocery store could hold, organizing things is just not going to happen. All of those plastic containers will end up being used to create different eco-systems for the creatures the boys find outside and the lids will be used as skates on the carpet inside the house. I would really work on the resolution of dating someone nice, but I can’t. For Lent this year I either need to give up sodas or dating. I am going with dating. So why go out now, meet Mr. Right, and then hurt his feelings when I have to tell him that I have to give him up for 40 days and nights. So no use making that resolution, I don’t want to have to hurt Mr. Right’s feelings.

Since there are still a few days until New Year’s, I figure I have some time to come up with some new resolutions. This week I am going to reflect on my life and try and come up with a few that are realistic and attainable. I can already feel it, 2011 is going to be different. These resolutions could be the first step in the journey to finding the new me.
 

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