Flirting When Married -- Ok or Not?
by David Wygant
So you're married, and you're running errands on a Saturday afternoon. You see a man to whom you happen to be attracted, and you think for a second, “What if I just smile? What if I flirt with this guy? There's no harm...I just need a little flirt pick-me-up today to boost my spirits.” You walk by the man, smile at him, and say “Hi. How’s your day going?” Then you get into a little conversation with him that causes you to get a warm, fuzzy, I’ve-still-got-it feeling as you're talking to him. The conversation ends, and you get in your car and go home to your husband and kids. Is there any harm in what you just did?
The dictionary defines flirting as "to behave amorously without serious intent" and “to flit from one flower to the next.” I like to think of it as focusing attention on somebody else without trying to take the relationship any further. Everyone should flirt every single day. After all, a flirt a day keeps the psychiatrists away. When I coach and teach people, I teach them to flirt with everybody. Now, of course, there are ways to flirt sexually but flirting is not necessarily sexual. If you learn the proper way to flirt – which is just being open, nice and having great conversations all day long – every day will be a positive day for you. I am constantly flirting. I talk to everyone – men, women, children, everyone! Healthy flirting will give you a positive feeling about yourself. It sure does that for me. Even if you're married, you still need to know that other men find you alluring. There's no harm in that. Actually, knowing other men think of you appealing and interesting will spice up your sex life and make you feel gorgeous all day long.
FLIRTING FOR FUN:
With that in mind, here are some tips for getting your daily flirt in. It’s all about keeping it light!
Flirting with that cute dad at school is an easy and instant mood lifter. Bring up something funny that your kid does so you can both have a laugh. A light-hearted lament about your kid’s obsession with Pokemon or Disney Princesses is sure to spark other amusing talk. And the playful banter will give you an innocent moment to appreciate each other. No harm, no foul.
In the produce aisle
Be friendly with the good-looking guys who scan your groceries or stock the produce. Find out a little personal information about them, so the next time they see you they'll flirt back and that trip to the grocery store will be just a little more exciting.
When standing in line for coffee, ask the man behind you if he's having a great day. Just be friendly and ask him if he's having a good day. Sharing a smile is a great gift – and hey, it’s free.
With the cable guy
When you're on the phone with customer service complaining to the cable company about your bad Internet connection, chat with the guy on the phone. See where it gets you. Maybe it will get the cable guy to actually come between 8 and 10 am when he promised.
After your workout
Next time you work out at the gym, stay after class and talk to your aerobics or yoga instructor. Flirting with them is always great, because you know they will compliment you on what a great student you've been. Or, strike up a conversation with that cute hunk on the treadmill. After your workouts, you go your way and he goes his – but now both of you are richer by a few laughs and smiles.
BEWARE OF TAKING IT TOO FAR:
So, yes, flirting can be healthy, as long as you keep it contained. When does a simple flirt turn into something harmful? When have you crossed the line? Crossing the line is taking the flirting into a bar and having a drink. Crossing the line is taking the flirting into a physical-contact type of flirting. Crossing the line is giving out your phone number and starting a mental affair with the man on the other end of the line. It's fun to flirt via email, but keep in mind that crossing the line is talking about anything sexual via email in those flirtatious banters.
FLIRTING TOO MUCH? TIME TO EXAMINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
If you find yourself tempted to take things beyond flirting, it’s time to reflect on your relationship with partner. Ask yourself these questions: What are you hoping to get out of flirting? A little spark to brighten your day? Or, are you somehow hoping to find a new partner? Are you flirting to meet needs and desires that your partner isn’t fulfilling? If so, maybe could you talk to your partner about injecting a little more romance into your life. Perhaps you could even try flirting with your husband, a little every morning and a little every evening. Flirting isn’t just for strangers, after all. It’s a great way to keep the sizzle in your marriage going. Keep it friendly and keep it innocent, and your daily dose of flirting will make you feel sexier and more desirable every single day -- and that can only be a good thing where your husband’s concerned!
About the Author:
Dating coach, blogger and author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows, including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David's interactive blog at davidwygant.com
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