When Relationships Fail…


Spitzer, Edwards, McGreevy, Berlusconi and in the latest string of sexual betrayal, Schwarzenegger. Lies and deceit take on many forms and are often the tour de force in destroying relationships, and not only the “till death do us part” relationships. When we read the headlines or hear about a long lasting relationship calling it quits, feelings of vulnerability wash over us and we may ask ourselves, “Could that happen to me?” Relationships of all sorts are vulnerable to fragmentation and in some cases, disintegration. As disquieting it sounds, it is a sad fact of life.

At some point we each experience the hurt, disorientation and emotional pain that grips us when someone we thought we knew and trusted pulls the wool over our eyes or breaks our heart. Family members, business associates or girlfriends we treated like sisters…the list goes on. Yet we live and learn, and hopefully the experience is not too harrowing and we are resilient enough to bounce back, learn, grow and love again.

Relationships are complex and layered, and they require effort, copious amounts of introspection and a willingness to hold back on the mudslinging and look deep within our self and work on our “stuff.” Relationships help validate us, but when they go to wreck and ruin we cannot help but ask why and wonder what happened. In the wake of its void is territory rife with opportunity for self-exploration. We can ask our self: “What truth or truths did I learn about myself, as cutting as they may be, that can help me to be more successful and happier in my next relationship?”

The people we choose to invite into our life reveal a lot about us: who we are and who we aspire to be. They serve as a window to our desires, beliefs, aspirations, blocks and compulsions. They tend to challenge us and shake our core by surfacing all that we repress and ignore, and they provide an excellent arena for personal growth.

If betrayal, cheating, lying or other relationship spoilers of that ilk happen to cross your path, after you have cried, felt enraged and had all sorts of ill-wishing thoughts towards that person (it is totally normal), consider this: you now have an opportunity to facilitate personal growth and to try to do things differently the next go around. If you find out what did not work and why, you are more likely to attract more of what you really need, desire and want in life. Samuel Beckett said it best: Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. Ain’t that so ever true?

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