Today I get the Bad Mommy Award
I’m at work, trying to focus today and all I can think about is the wicked fight I had with my 9 year old. I’m so sad, she broke my heart, and I am afraid that I broke hers too. I’m trying to find my way out of this so I can mend the painful moments that we created.
I have been thinking for days about the mean words she shot at me, and how I reacted. I could have stood there, fought back my tears and taken them, or better yet walked away. But what I did wrong was lash out back at her, which left us wounded, sad and deflated. I know we have all been there. But I wish in the heat of the moment I would have reacted differently, more maturely and less humanly!
I am trying to think about what triggered my child and how I could have dealt with her better. Coming from a compassionate place is always best. In the moment it is so hard to think calmly, act properly and be the grown up. The worse part is I know what I should have done, but I acted like a 9 yr old too and now we are both stuck in a bad place.
A friend shared this story with me today that doesn’t make me feel any better, but has some heavy truth to it and it will make me think twice next time I forget my role…
There once was man who said nasty things to many others in his village. One day he sadly realized that no one liked him. He went to his chief to ask what he could do to make things right and make people like him again.
The chief said, “Tonight, put a feather in front of everyone’s door that you have said hurtful things to.” So he did just that. The next morning he went back to the chief and asked, “What now?” The chief replied, “Now go and pick all of the feathers up.”
Unfortunately all the feathers had blown away….
Words are like feathers that you cannot pick up or take back.
Hearing that reminded me how much words can hurt & how you cannot take them back. There are many ways to mend painful moments. I know as adults we can apologize, forgive, heal, and work toward feeling better. I am not sure that children are as resilient or forgiving and they certainly are not as skilled at starting a healthy healing process. I know as a mother that kids are not always in control, they do not always think things through and they have a more restricted ability to problem solve. They can be soooo mean and nasty and not mean it at all. I wish I had an interpreter sometimes to define the language my children speak. Don’t we all?
I will always forgive my children for ways they hurt me, that’s the nature of being a mom for me. What I have to work harder on is understanding their challenges and painful frustrations so I can handle those moments better.
Choose your words carefully and make good choices. It’s much easier to stay out of trouble than to get out of it.
I am about to pick up the phone and apologize to my daughter for fighting with her. I hope she will forgive me. I’ll let you know what happens….