No one gets married expecting to get a divorce, but according to statistics compiled by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are 3.5 divorces in the U.S. per 1,000 population. Holy crap -- that's pretty much HALF of all marriages. Terminating a marriage can be very painful, especially if there are kids involved, and the complications many. There are some things to consider for each spouse, and a number of steps that would be good to follow. Of course your first priority is to protect your rights and those of your children. and those of your children.
Is it really necessary?
Determine whether divorce is the only viable option left. If you haven't already, consider marriage counseling or a temporary separation that might help you to save your marriage. Talk openly with your spouse to try coming to terms with your differences.
Examine the options
Seek legal counsel from an attorney who can help you to examine your options and provide you with any assistance you may need in initiating the divorce process. Find an attorney who handles divorce cases on a regular basis and who specializes in child custody cases if you and your spouse have children (see Resources).
Finances
Finances can get very messy during divorce --gather together all paperwork relevant to finances to provide your attorney with details about any joint accounts and other assets that you and your spouse hold together. You may choose to close out joint bank accounts such as checking and savings accounts for which you and your spouse agree to divide the funds. If you have financial accounts that cannot be closed, consider freezing those accounts and leaving them for your attorneys to handle.
Filing a petition
Decide if you want a no-fault divorce in which case you are stating that the divorce is not a result of the other spouse's actions. No-fault divorces are based on irreconcilable differences. Should you file for a divorce in which you are accusing your spouse of abuse or infidelity, the divorce process will be more involved and take longer and likely take a bigger toll on your children.
Moving?
It's best to continue living in the family home until your lawyer instructs you otherwise, especially if you have children. Determine exactly what you want in terms of custody and child support early on in the divorce negotiations so you can be clear.
Wait...
Wait for your spouse to respond to the petition for divorce. If you file for a no-fault divorce and your spouse does not contest any issues, the law requires that you wait 90 days before your divorce can be finalized. You may need to attend mediation or a hearing if your spouse challenges any terms of the divorce agreement.
Court?
Attend any court proceedings scheduled during the divorce process. If you and your spouse are not able to reach a mutual agreement after working with your attorneys or a mediator, you will need to go before a divorce judge. Your attorney will help you prepare for the hearing.
Talk to your kids
Always talk to your children about what's going on so they're not completely shocked, but the best thing you can do is keep them out of the drama. A lot of parents get into 'bad-mouthing' one another -- remember the kids come first and they are already facing a huge shock, they should not have to take sides.
Tips
When it comes to contesting a divorce, the proceedings in each state are similar but can differ slightly. The length of time it takes can vary depending on how busy the court docket is in the county where you file for divorce.
In some states, you must have resided within the state's jurisdiction for at least six months before filing for divorce in that state.
In most states, once the opposing party is served with a Petition for Divorce, that person has 30 days to respond.
Bear in mind that your divorce has not been finalized in the legal system until you receive your final divorce decree.
