Single, Pregnant and Just A Tad Grumpy...:(

I am almost 35 weeks pregnant and the other day my back hurt so badly I thought I had kidney stones. No joke, I almost called 911 in the middle of the night. Turns out I don’t have kidney stones, I am having back spasms. I get acupuncture and a massage every couple weeks but it would be better if I had my husband working nightly on these kinks the extra 45 pounds I’m carrying is creating. But alas, I don’t have a husband or boyfriend, alas I am single and pregnant. Now before anyone breaks out the violins, let me be the first to say, I am not freaking out (most of the time). Other people though are a very different story.

"Wow, You're Brave"

When I tell people my situation, the exchange usually goes something like this: “Wow, you’re brave.” “Really? Am I?” “Oh my God, yeah. Wow.” “Ok, um, thanks.” “Yeah, I mean are you...wow, are you really ready for this?” Which usually leaves me feeling like I should probably do something more to prepare but I mean how many books/DVDs/classes can one really partake in?

A Little History

A little history on my situation: I was only dating the man who is my baby’s father for 2 1/2 months when I got pregnant. Before I knew I was pregnant, I knew this was not a match. The thought of us as a couple gives me more anxiety than seeing those little infants screaming in my pre-natal yoga class does. He is a good guy and has moved half way across the country to be here for the baby but he and I are not a match. Let me repeat, we are NOT a match. People ask me (code for subtly suggest) if I’ve really thought about doing it on my own and that maybe I should reconsider giving a relationship with my baby’s father a go. Even my acupuncturist the other day asked me to reconsider being with the father and my acupuncturist is supposed to be a real intuitive, progressive guy. I mean I know why two parents in a household are better than one but I also know that real love in a household is more important (at least to me) than two people who are like oil and water trying to make something work so a child has two parents under one roof.

Grumpy and Mean

Also, I know how grumpy and mean I can be right now to all people including those I am closest to (my mother) or people I don’t know at all (AT&T representative) and I know if my baby’s father was around, I would be doing nothing but biting his head off or biting my tongue....and frankly that is a lot of biting when I have plenty of other things that I need to be attending to.

Mamby, Pamby, New Age Mumbo-Jumbo

Maybe I’m full of mamby pamby, new age, mumbo-jumbo, overly romanticized bullsh%# but I really do want my child to have a great example of two parents who love and respect each other deeply. I have always thought that the child should not come first, it should be the partner who comes first. That way the child always knows the safety net that is the bond between mom and the dad is always there. I have said this to people in the past and if they have kids they usually roll their eyes when they think I’m not looking. But I catch everything and that’s ok if people think I’m crazy. I am a little crazy. Clearly. I’m holding out for true love. And I am having a baby on my own....apparently, what could be crazier than that?