I was watching The View the other day, an episode on Female Addictions. I was very affected by one woman who spoke about her childhood and the way the absence of a man, her father, changed her path. Her parents divorced when she was 13 and she shut her father out of her life. During the tender, impressionable years she realized that with no example, no role model of what a male/female relationship should look like, she did not know how to love or be loved by a man. She became a porn star during her college years and developed a sex addiction. So sad… She is sober now and when she shared her painful journey I began thinking about my own childhood and the lives of my 3 little girls.
My stepfather who was NOT many things, raised me. Tenderness and affection only came from my mother, but fortunately my late stepfather had many other meaningful qualities. We actually had as close of a relationship that he was capable of. For most of my life I loved him very much. What he could not give me I sought after from my mother. I realize today that much of what I was missing from my father, I longed for in my romantic relationships. I made some bad choices growing up, always had a boyfriend, and never liked being alone. I suppose today that is related to the lack of attention I received from my father. Looking back, I am appreciative for the many things we did share and the life lessons that he did teach me.
Then I started REALLY thinking about my daughters and their fathers…
I must start by speaking to the single moms because we are all not that lucky to have a co-parent. Love comes in many different forms. My mother was left when my sister and I were 1 and 3 yrs old, but someone much better came into our lives, and we turned out OK, at least I like to think so. I think that a male figure can be an example in children’s lives even if it is an Uncle or a dear friend. So don’t lose hope and feel that you can’t raise well-rounded daughters.
Now back to my blended family and my 3 little girls. They are so damn lucky! One of the things that makes me fall in love with David over and over again is seeing the father that he is. He is so many things that I wish I had. I know that little Rain is growing up confident, secure, adored, and brave. They have such a special relationship. There is an exchange of deep love, respect and affection. My older girls are also so fortunate. Without revealing too much of their father’s private life, I can say that he is totally involved, dedicated, loyal, and available to them in many ways. All of my girls are beyond blessed to have the fathers they do. They feel safe and they know that their father has their back. Because their dads are the first men in their lives, I secretly hope their dads remain the only one for a LOOONG time! I have to celebrate them, because I know the difference. I knew it in my own life and I have seen it in too many other families. To all the fathers who put in the time and do it with love and commitment, you’re shaping your little girls lives in many ways.
Rain thinks that David is a “hero”. Because of that, he knows today that the father he has become is better than the father he had. David is hoping that only a “ROBIN” will come along and that he can remain her one and only….Good luck!
I am excited to see what kind of young women my girls will grow up to be. They know what it’s like to be loved and to love a man, how lucky! Btw, their fathers are learning from them every day too. I just have to say thank you.
BTW it’s changing my life too…