- At Home
I’ve built my career - literally - with words; in fact, writing and communication are two of my biggest passions. And so, it is with confidence and from experience that I say (more often than not) the old adage of “less is more” rings true.
Sometimes the smallest word makes the biggest impact, and although this word may be seemingly simple, its definition might be complex--and confusing. Why? Multiple meanings. Varied pronunciations and intonations. Different tones and contexts.
The perfect example of such a simply complicated word: fine.
When mothers say or hear it, the meaning behind this four-letter, monosyllabic word can sometimes get lost in translation. Here’s how:
1. “Fine” = My day involved way too many things for me to remember or talk about.
When our children come home after school, one of our first questions is typically, “How was your day?” Without even blinking, some will answer “fine.” This word is punctuated strongly with a period. There is no comma or semi-colon, implying more content will follow- just a very round, super solid period. This implies a definitive answer. The tenacious mom will then ask for clarification, which might prompt the child to elaborate with a “good.” For those of you who receive long descriptive and animated paragraphs about your child’s day, embrace it.
2. “Fine” = Please do NOT ask me more, or I’ll explode.
Sometimes, we just have one of those days when things don’t happen the way we want. We may experience frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, or guilt--to a point when just the mere acknowledgement of those emotions feels overwhelming. This might be the reason when at the end of the day somebody (like our spouse) asks us how our day was, and we utter “fine.” It's moments like this when our "fine" serves as our emotional Band-Aid and translates to “please don’t ask me more” or else we'll bleed out.
3. “Fine” = Please ask me more. No really, please.
There are times, however, when we use our “fine” to put on our brave front so that we don’t burden you with our drama, but really, we want you to keep prodding. Consider the following sample conversation:
Them: “Hey, are you okay?”
Us: “I’m fine.”
Them: “You don’t look fine.”
Us: “No, really. It’s fine.”
Them: “Your eyes are tearing up. You sure you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
And then we interpret that as permission to unload.
4. “Fine” = It's a compliment.
Not all uses of “fine” denote negative messages; in fact, it can serve as a glorious compliment about one’s physical appearance. Let’s say, for instance, you ask your partner how your new dress or hairstyle looks. “Fine,” he answers. This can go either way. For example, to say that you look sexy or beautiful, he will likely say it as “Wow, you look fiiiiiiiiiiiine!” It is the inflection in the words that matters here. A less glorious compliment would be if he said simply: “You look fine.” No inflection. No added “i” vowels. And, you might just cringe at the latter response.
5. “Fine” = I give up. You win.
This "fine" is more like a FINE in all caps lock, often followed with an exclamation mark, and could be used in a conversation similar to the following:
“Johnny, you need to clean your room.”
“But, Mom, I’m still finishing this game level.”
“If you don’t clean your room right now, there will be no video games for the entire week.”
“FINE! I’ll do it!”
6. “Fine” = Not fine.
Sometimes “fine” simply isn’t. In these cases, maybe we just say it to try to convince ourselves that it actually is.
7. “Fine” = You will need to guess if I'm mad at you.
Language involves both verbal and non-verbal communication. The verbal “fine” might not always be sufficient to properly analyze the situation and may in fact necessitate the translation of our non-verbal cues. For example:
Him: “Are you still upset with me about last night?”
Us: “No. It’s fine.”
He will then need to use our facial expressions, tone, and inflection to figure out what our “fine” really means. And that's fine too.
Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite. -- C. S. Lewis
About the Writer: Cori Linder is a professional editor for business and technology, and is the Featured Blogger for Modern Mom magazine.