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When you think your spouse might be having an affair you feel it in your gut. Something seems off, but you can’t be specific and you may not have any hard evidence to prove what you are sensing is true. This uncertainty can be unbearable. You will do anything to know the truth.
When you’ve been in a married relationship with someone - sharing everything from your bed to your computer- oftentimes boundaries are blurred. Phones and computers are the most obvious place to get information on a cheating spouse, but a recent report on "The Today Show" questions whether breaking into voicemail and email accounts is illegal. Issues of morality, right and wrong, go out the window when a marital vow has been broken. Although snooping through your partner's accounts may seem “right”, be cautious about whether it’s legal.
Some of our clients started out looking through emails, texts and Facebook accounts for information that is above and beyond what they needed. A few even continue snooping after filing for separation or getting divorced. When innocent investigating turns to obsessive behavior, it’s time to check in with yourself and get some professional help.
What first starts out as innocently looking for a little information can quickly turn into an obsessive compulsion. Here’s how to know when you have crossed the line:
Facebook: Looking at your Ex’s Facebook page to determine his/her whereabouts, doings, and interactions is unhealthy. While you may be curious about what your Ex is up to, exposing yourself to this information is hurtful and serves no purpose. Leading separate, private lives is one of the cardinal rules for moving on from your old relationship. You might want to consider taking a break from Facebook until your divorce is final.
Voicemail: Listening to voicemail on your Ex’s phone is crossing the line. This may have been helpful when you were uncertain about infidelity, but once you know, this behavior is unnecessary.
Spying on your Ex is the equivalent of hitting yourself over the head with a baseball bat over and over again. Why inflict more unnecessary pain on yourself? Instead, focus on yourself, healing the trauma of divorce and creating a new life. You are worth it.