Do you ever feel like you are adding to your to-do list faster than you’re crossing things off and then end up with very little time to yourself? Ever feel like your career actually fulfills you, but that you’re still missing out on so much? Or better, are you frustrated with your job, and still feel somewhat absent in your kids’ life?

Welcome working moms. Welcome guilty moms. Welcome multi-tasking moms. Welcome frazzled moms. Today’s Blog post is for you.

The media icon for the woman living in the 1950’s was this domesticated housewife and mother who cooked, laundered, cleaned and sewed all the while looking fashionable with that big smile on her face. Fast forward to today. The media icon today in an entirely different woman. What do see in the latest Glamour and Vogues magazines? You see a tall confident woman, designer clothes, wearing her role as a career woman, mother, wife and domestic goddess, with that “I can have it all” look to her. So what’s the difference between then and now? While both may be illusions of perfection, the real career woman today is mostly exhausted, completely overwhelmed with the second shift at home, and struggling with guilt and stress.

And while many working women today feel very fulfilled in their career, many are not. But the one commonality between the happily working moms and the unhappily working moms, is the feeling that they feel they are simply missing out. I spoke to a bunch of working moms, and these were some of their complaints about balancing home and career:

“You miss things as a working mom. If you have an 8-6 job like me, with little flexibility, you simply cannot be everywhere, and I have missed out on much.The list is too long”

“I work to help pay for some of the bills in our house. And while I enjoy my career as a real estate agent, I feel like I am missing out on a lot. If school gives me enough warning, I can make ballet recitals and basketball games, but otherwise, I miss out. My parents help out with some extra curricular activities and thank goodness for my mom who can take my kids to many of their programs. But sometimes, I wish it was me more often.”

“I miss going for lunch with my girlfriends. And the gym has become a thing of the past. I have neither the energy nor the time to go to the gym anymore.”

“How do I feel about working? I could use a foot massage, a romantic evening with my husband, and Mary Poppins to clean my house! To those lucky women sipping lattes and strolling downtown with their friends, you have it good.”

“I cry every time I think of my 1 year old in daycare when I should be home with her. I am working out of necessity, not out of choice. If I won the lottery, I’d be out of here!”

Sound familiar? Perhaps.

We all have different situations at home, but it’s true, many working women feel they are simply missing out on too much. The number of women leaving the workforce to start flexible, home-based businesses has risen dramatically in recent years, in part due to these tremendous feelings of guilt and lack of time. I say it’s the fine balance between necessity and priority.  When I was working my insane hours, I was constantly conflicted when I left my little one at home to go to work. If I left and he was fine and happy that morning, it upset me that he was bonding more with my nanny than with me. If I left and he was crying and she would have to peel him off of me, that would kill me too. It was like a lose-lose situation. But these are the facts, and I wasn’t alone. A poll showed that 68% of working moms are conflicted between working and raising a family (CBS Poll).

And even recently, those old feelings of guilt have started to resurface for. Juggling the book writing and editing, the launching of the new site, and Blogging at times has taken me away from the boys. Not nearly as much as before, which is why this is the perfect balance for me, but it definitely has. And thankfully, I have incredible support from two sets of grandparents and a loving husband, but I’m starting to feel the exhaustion set in again and the “me” slip. I’m not complaining, as this is what i signed up for, and this is what completely inspires me, but as women, we still have that responsibility of  “the second shift” at home, and it’s a lot.

Listen, there are also women I know who don’t work and still don’t spend a lot time with their kids either. No judgement. I think we all have to do what works for us. And to also make the best out of any situation. If you’re working, and feel like you’re missing out on too much, you may have to re-adjust your priorities. You may opt to drop one work day a week (and that day’s pay) if you feel the pressure to be everywhere is just too great. The beauty in life is everything is a choice. And that choice is entirely your own, and can be changed at any given moment in time.

So to all the working moms out there, tell us, what do you fee like you’re missing out on? How would you like your life to look in a perfect world?

xoxEDxox

www.WomenOnTheFence.com

Happy Friday ladies!! Hello, best day of the week! I was going to Blog about something else today, but the beauty in having your own Blog is that you can switch it up at any time, and today I really needed to reach out to you for help.

Last night something very weird and disturbing happened. I am wondering if it has ever happened to any of your kids. My parents are leaving on a trip today, so naturally they wanted to spend some time with the boys before they left. It is also my hubby’s 36th birthday today, so it was sort of like a going away / birthday dinner. At around 6:30PM, we all headed downtown to the boys’ favorite burger joint– me, the kids, my parents, and hubby came directly from work. The place was busy, as our Montreal Canadiens were playing last night, and the restaurant was very loud, and very crowded.

We all sat down, starved. All of a sudden, completely out of the blue, my 6 year old son began to panic. He complained that it was very loud, and he began to cry uncontrollably. He then said he wanted to throw up, so I immediately ran him to the bathroom. He didn’t throw up, but was complaining he HAD to go home. Not even the burger and fries on the table (which he usually LOVES) could calm him down. We took him outside, and the minute he got outside, he started to relax. He was back to normal. It was near 7Pm at this point, and I knew he was hungry, so I tried to bring him back inside. The minute he came back in, he started to almost shake again, cry, and was literally eating his burger with tears streaming down his eyes, with his coat on. He just wanted to go home. So, after he ate a little, we did just that. We darted home. Besides one time a year ago at a hockey game, where he did something similar, this has NEVER happened in 6 1/2 years.

When we got home, he was perfectly himself. Bubbly and happy. I didn’t sleep the whole night. I was so disturbed and so upset. And this morning, after jumping on my hubby to wish him a happy birthday and give him his birthday card, he darted off to school, looking forward to his playdate this afternoon. Completely NORMAL. Now I am concerned if or when this will happen again, or if it was an isolated incident. For those of you who suffer from panic or anxiety, or have had a child who has experienced something similar, can any of you offer some advice or insight? I don’t believe people should suffer alone or in silence. Your insight would be appreciated today.

So, ladies, have a great weekend. I will have to be a big girl next week. Parents away, in-laws away, hubby going away. Can I call any of you in the middle of the night if there’s an emergency?

Plus, I want to wish my handsome hubby a happy 36th birthday!! He’s looking forward to celebrating tonight…after hours, if ya know what I mean!!

xoxEDxox

www.WomenOnTheFence.com

Spring is definitely coming. Everyone was up early in our house this morning, because of the brighter early am’s. The bad thing… less sleep. The good thing… me not ranting like a fish-wife for everyone to get out of bed and not be late for school. Me and rushing don’t do well together. At all. Last week, I blogged about Spring Cleaning your house and your life. Today I want to talk about spring cleaning your body. I think we often take our bodies for granted. Sometimes our bodies can take the abuse, but sometimes, as in the case of Corey Haim, our bodies just cannot. It’s very sad and tragic. So how can you be good to your body, so that it will be good to you?

During the winter months, it’s common to eat a little more, exercise a little less, and engage in some naughty behavior. I drank too much red wine this winter and ate one too many rib steaks and burgers. Gulp. My usual flat stomach looks a little bloated these days. Thank goodness for those fall sweaters and long coats which are great at hiding any few extra pounds we carry around during those winter months. But unfortunately, all that winter food that comforted us during the cold and long days, are not so comforting when springtime comes.

So if you’re like many people who have been walking around not living at your optimum, there’s no better time than now, springtime, to internally and externally cleanse and rejuvenate your body. With the fast-paced society we live in, we eat fast too – fast food, canned foods, processed foods. Why? It’s easy and quick. Why buy fresh corn on the cob and waste time boiling it, when you can pop open a can of corn and serve it no time? Right? Wrong! And I will tell you, that although you may not see immediate results in eating better and treating your body well, the long term results are astounding.

So what should you eat and do for yourself, and what should you avoid this spring season? It’s time to shape up… inside and out. Here is a list of 10 quick tips that you can incorporate into your life starting today:

1. Whenever possible, stay away from alcohol, and too much meat, eggs, dairy and sodas. Grapefruit is also not as good as once thought, as it contains chemicals which prevent the liver from doing its job.
2. Your diet should contain lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. These can be steamed or eaten raw. Great vegetables to buys are beets and broccoli. Broccoli helps remove chemicals from your system. If budget allow, buy organic fruits and vegetables.
3. Cut down your sugar intake. A fact you should know: at the turn of the century, we consumed 5 pounds of sugar per person per year. Now we consume 150 pounds per person per year. Sugar suppresses your immune system. After each time you consume sugar, your body stops working optimally for 5 hours. Honey also suppresses the immune system. Of course, sugar substitutes like aspartame are no better. If need be, use a natural sweetener.
4. Cut back on caffeine, alcohol and smoking.
5. Get to the gym! Aim for a combination of cardio and strength training. Please read about the benefits of strength training. Toxins stay in your lymph system, and unlike your heart that constantly pumps blood, the lymph system has no pump and requires exercise to keep it moving. Without exercise, the toxins will just sit. Sweating is great for your body as it’s one of the ways our body rids itself of toxins, plus it’s also great for your mind.
6. Suggestions to cleanse your body: Change your morning coffee ritual to green tea. Green tea is high in antioxidants and helps the body metabolize fat. Keep in mind, consuming high levels of caffeine can raise cortisol levels which can cause weight gain in your stomach. Green tea has little caffeine. Drinking 2-3 cups of green tea helps detox your body and also aids with fat loss.
7. Drink cranberry water to help with water retention, the proper functioning of your lymphatic system, plus it’s great for cellulite. You can mix 4 ounces of pure cranberry juice (not from concentrate) with 28 ounces of water.
8. Eat more frequent, smaller meals each day, instead of 3 large ones. To raise your metabolism, eat five to six small meals, eating at least every two to three hours. Tosca Reno, author of “The Eat Clean Diet”, provides a clean eating plan of fresh fish, lean beef, tofu, chicken, turkey, beans and legumes for proteins and brown rice, whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables for complex carbohydrates. Eating clean, provides your body with the essential nutrients needed to function properly.
9. Drink a cup of warm lemon water before going to bed. Lemon is a great body cleanser, both inside and out. Warm lemon water is specifically great for cleansing your intestines.
10. Don’t forget your multi-vitamin, and if you live in a climate where winters are cold (like mine in Montreal) and you lack good sunshine exposure, take a Vitamin D supplement for overall immunity.

(Reference: E-How and Vopni)

Ladies, gotta clean up! Get off the fence today and clean your house, your body and your life. Tell us, what are your tips for spring cleaning your body?

xoxEDxox

www.WomenOnTheFence.com

Welcome ladies to WomenOnTheFence.com’s NEW LOOK!

Today is about feedback… the good, the bad and the ugly! We’re still perfecting the site, working out kinks and glitches.  So feel free to comment below and give me your thoughts on the new look. Navigating your way around here will be much easier, and I love the easy-to-read font.

OH YA, AND MY OWN GODESS AND AMERICAN IDOL ELLEN DEGENERES IS NOW FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER AS OF LAST NIGHT! I AM CHECKING FOR A PULSE.

You can also click HERE and read some great words of praise / endorsements from some incredible people,  for my upcoming book, The 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before… Starting Their Own Business. I’m very proud and super excited.

Not the final book cover

Have a great day ladies! It’s 5:30AM and I am running into the shower now to get to a Sales and Marketing Conference I am giving this morning for The Women’s Entrepreneurial Network. Wish me luck.

xoxEDxox

www.WomenOnTheFence.com

PS – It is with a heavy heart and great sadness that I announce that baby Layla Grace, who I wrote about last week, passed away yesterday morning. You are finally at peace, Layla. May god give your family the strength to endure.

Calling out all moms today on this sunny crisp Tuesday morning. Greetings ladies! Hope you all celebrated your womanhood yesterday.

If there is anything I am on the fence about, it’s the topic of nurturing… too much vs. too little. Encouraging our kids vs. being tough on them when needed.  Aah, the joys of parenting and all the confusion that comes with it! Providing for your children’s physical needs, like food, clothing and shelter, is pretty straightforward. However, providing for your children’s emotional needs is an entirely different beast. Every child is different, and you probably see it in your own house, that your nurturing style differs with each child based on their character. I can throw my three year old into pretty much any new situation, and he’s off with a big smile. My big son is cautious, sometimes hesitant, and asks MANY questions about anything new. But my confusion always comes in the form of: Do I nurture right now or should I be tough right now?

I have been guilty of hugging and kissing my kids while they’re misbehaving. Now I know what you’re thinking… I’m soft and a pushover. I’m actually not. I have little tolerance for rudeness, and I won’t raise a quitter. But, I see how when one of my kids gets jealous or threatened, for example, they act out. So instead of throwing them in their room for misbehaving, I hug them, because I see they’re suffering at that moment. I take them and I ask them quietly, “Tell mommy what’s wrong. Why is it hard for you right now that you had to hit your brother.” My husband thinks I’m totally wrong and will send them to their room, to create the backbone. I try and address why they acted up in the first place. Two different styles. Thanks goodness they have the balance!

Let’s take another example: big son usually doesn’t want to go skiing. We live in Canada. We are skiers. He doesn’t have to be the best, but I would like to expose him to it, and perhaps he’ll actually enjoy it. My little son on the contrary, loves skiing. So, a Saturday morning can go something like this:

Me: Okay buddy. Let’s get ready for skiing.

Son: No. it’s too cold.

Me: You’ll ski for a little, and then you’ll go in and warm up. The fresh air is wonderful. It’s cold for everyone. You’re dressed warm. You’ll feel so great and proud of yourself when you’re done.

Son: I don’t feel well.

Me: You’re fine. Let’s go.

After much back and forth…

Son: Ok, fine.

Hubby: Just went outside. It’s FREEZING. Too cold to go skiing.

Son: Yay, no skiing!

I’m pissed!!!!!!!!!!! But in the end, we go, and he ends up loving it. And he’s now great at it, but it’s a fight every time. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

We’re also trying to teach our children the value of a dollar. My son’s second tooth fell out last week, and between the tooth fairy money, and some money the grandparents had given him for the two teeth, he had close to $100.00 in his Sponge Bob wallet. Now, I was brought up to be a saver, and to live beneath your means, so I wanted to teach him the concept of saving and spending money. We told him we were going to the bank to deposit his money in his account, and that he could get $20.00 to spend at the toy store. Keep in mind, my husband and I never buy toys for these children. Everything they have acquired has come from birthday gifts from friends or family. I buy my kids books, and that’s where it ends. So imagine his excitement…. $20.00 at the toy store on whatever he wanted!

So off we went on Saturday to the bank. This was his first trip to the bank for himself. I gave him his bank card, and we waited in line. He spoke to the teller. “I would like to deposit this into my bank account please. It’s my tooth fairy money,” he said nicely to the lady behind the counter. She smiled sweetly at him. He barely cleared the counter. I asked her if he could sign for the deposit. No problem, she explained. So, my son handed her the money, she counted it, and gave him the paper to sign his name. He slowly signed his first name only and was beaming with pride. I explained to him that even though his wallet was empty, the money wasn’t gone, but that it was safe at the bank and there for his future.

Next stop… the toy store. So, down the street we went, and he was excited! “How much is that?” he asked, and then saw it was $34.99. I saw the disappointment in his eyes, but he instantly moved on. He then went to the next toy: $13.99. “Mommy I can get this AND something else.” We spent 45 minutes looking, budgeting, tallying, etc… It was a great lesson for him.  He had big eyes, and saw what he had to spend, and what he couldn’t afford. It was a super exercise. One I highly suggest.

But seriously, I am constantly on the fence about when to cut the kids some slack, and when I have to be tough on them to not raise a wimp or a child without a backbone. There is such a fine line. For what it’s worth, this is what I find helpful in handling the delicate balance of nurturing and encouraging your children, and putting your foot down and being tough when necessary:

1. There is a no-tolerance policy for rudeness. Ok, you want to stay home from ballet today, no problem. You want to eat in your tent in the basement instead of the kitchen table every now and then, no problem. You wanna stay up late one night to watch your favorite show, no problem. But we do not tolerate rudeness or disrespect. Period.
2. No idle threats, moms. Ever found yourself saying: “Get dressed now or we’re staying home,” to which they reply, “Ok, I’m staying home.” AND THEN YOU GO ANYHOW. No way moms! Never give idle threats. You must follow through on any threat so your kids know you mean business. It’s ok to give a warning, but if they do not listen, there must be consequences for their actions. I am VERY good at this. Never given one idle threat yet.
3. Hubby and I are sometimes guilty of this, but mom and dad must stand united. If you say no five times to a chocolate bar, and they run to daddy and he says yes, you got a big problem. Kids learn quickly how to play one parent vs. the other. So, sit down and discuss this with your significant other the rules of the house. Parents need to be united when it comes to core values, and discipline.

Ladies, I wish you good luck in raising great kids, with good values and a backbone. I’d love to hear what your parenting issues and concerns are. Are you on the fence about child rearing issues? Write ‘em here!

PS – My dad forwarded this to me, and my little son overheard it, and has been walking around saying he’s a CORK SOAKER! Oy! Watch this!

xoxEDxox

www.WomenOnTheFence.com