Allison Pescosolido, M.A. has helped thousands of men and women transform their lives through major life transitions. She is frequently featured in the media (New York Times, CNN, Fox...) for her expertise on the subjects of relationships, breakups, marriage, divorce, dating and her unique treatment approach for divorce recovery. Her success in helping clients quickly identify, manage and overcome the specific challenges in relationships and divorce has led her to become the nation’s leading relationship expert. Whether single, married or divorced, you have the opportunity to learn valuable skills to restart your life. Based in West Hollywood, California, Allison Pescosolido, M.A. offers relationship support (in person, by telephone and online) for anyone going through separation, divorce, a marriage crisis or relationship and dating issues. Allison Pescosolido, M.A. Allison has helped thousands of men and women transform their lives through major life transitions. It's never too late to restart your life. Find her at www.divorcedetox.com.
When you became a mother, you probably never anticipated having to parent alone. And for those of you who are separated or divorced, you might find yourself thinking, “Had I known I would have had to do this alone, I don’t know if I would have had kids.”
Though technically a romantic comedy, Crazy, Stupid, Love, offers an authentic and approachable picture of the earliest moments of separation and divorce.
The majestic owl, known for his wisdom, sits high above the chaos perched on a branch watching the world as he soaks in what everyone else is to busy to notice. Divorce is chaotic, and it's easy to get swept up in the day to day challenges. Life passes by, and many important moments get missed.
Divorce has a bright side: the opportunity to restart your life. As you detox and heal you may discover a better version of yourself than you have ever known. Here are some benefits of being one adult:
* Easy to get a table in a busy restaurant (or sit at the bar)
* Listen to any music and sing out loud
* Your time is your own
When divorcing couples are asked what they consider to be their greatest gift from their marriage, the answer is almost always unanimously “my children”. Additionally, most divorcing parents will tell you that their children are their greatest concern, and their number one priority.
Valentines Day is one of the worst days of the year for those going through separation or divorce. Hearts are in the air, store windows are plastered with pink and red, chocolates and roses are prominently displayed for purchase in grocery stores.
The effects of divorce are profound. Not unlike death or a life threatening illness, divorce pushes the boundaries of what most people think they can tolerate in terms of emotional struggle. While life greatest challenges seem unbearable when they are happening, research shows that there may be benefits to building your adversity muscles.
When you think your spouse might be having an affair you feel it in your gut. Something seems off, but you can’t be specific and you may not have any hard evidence to prove what you are sensing is true. This uncertainty can be unbearable. You will do anything to know the truth.
In this day in age, when everything in the world seems to be changing and evolving- from the economy, to the environment, to the boom of the internet world- it's only fitting that the institution of marriage should be changing as well. In a recent Times article, a few interesting and thought provoking questions were posed: Who needs marriage? What is marriage for, and for whom? And finally, Is it obsolete?
Divorce is all about halves so it’s not surprising that we say that people “split up”, or that the word divorce is rooted in divide. With divorce everything you thought was whole is now half. Finances, assets, kids, friends, and your sense of self are just a few of the ways you can feel halved with your divorce.
The airwaves are saturated with the storybook fantasy of Britain’s Prince William to Kate Middleton. Their fairytale romance is a light of hope in a world where the divorce rate stays steady. One of the questions on nearly every divorced person’s mind when they read about Prince William and Kate Middleton's engagement is “will it last?”
One of the greatest fears that surfaces with divorce is the fear of
being alone. Whether it’s the fear of growing old alone, sleeping
alone, eating alone or just plain being alone, the depth of fear it
evokes can be debilitating. There is no other time that this is more
pronounced than around the holidays. Negative fantasies about
how the holiday season will be spent can spiral any newly separated or
divorced person into a panic attack.
Separation and divorce is traumatic for the whole family, yet each
person within the family will have a unique experience when it comes
to dealing and healing from this life transition. Learning to honor
and respect each family members emotional response to the separation
and divorce is an important part of moving on in a healthy adaptive
There’s a Chinese proverb that says “You can hardly make a friend in a
year, but you can lose one in an hour.” David Arquette did that last
week when he went on national radio and spoke about his separation
with wife Courtney Cox.
The decision to divorce is excruciating, and as we have seen recently
with celebrities and supermodels, it’s not uncommon for couples to
file and then reconcile. Supermodel Stephanie Seymour and publishing
tycoon Peter Brant decided, after months of contentious court battles,
accusations and millions of dollars in legal fees, to try and make
their marriage work. They are not alone in the celebrity world of
indecision with public figures like Larry King and Shawn Southwick who filed for divorce in April and halted the proceedings one month later.
The desire to discover new passions is usually influenced by major
changes in life. Retirement, marriage, birth and divorce are all
life-changing events in which new passions may become nurtured.
Divorce can inspire a person to rediscover and pursue a dormant
passion that was not supported by their ex-spouse, like landscaping or
jogging, or discover a new passion. Not all people have activities
they are passionate about; yet they feel something is missing in their
lives. Activities that a divorcing couple was passionate about
together may not carry the same passion individually as it did when
they were together. In these cases, a person may be at loss about how
to discover new passions. Thankfully, discovering new passions is
possible. With a little openness, adventure and fun, any one can
discover new passions that bring joy to life.
One of the most common challenges in divorce can be the loss of one's
social network. Some friends and family are supportive, others have
the best intentions (yet are unhelpful), and many seem to simply
vanish from one's life. The loss of friends and family during this
transition can add to the stress already being experienced. Many find
the necessity to reach out and make new friends yet find the task
daunting. Here are some helpful tips on how develop new friendships
during separation, divorce and beyond:
As co-parenting becomes the norm for a lot of divorced couples,
establishing a civil relationship with the ex-spouse becomes more and
more important. It can be very difficult, especially at first, to be
civil to your ex in regular interactions like picking up and dropping
off children, but it is even more difficult when you are forced to
spend extended amounts of time in each other’s company. At joint
celebrations like birthdays, t-ball games and weddings, the time spent
in each others company, or even just in each others vicinity, can be
excruciating. Some tips to surviving the day are:
Divorce is often considered to be a bad word, and many people respond
to it in the same way they would a contagious disease. Divorce is so
taboo that many married people would rather stay in an awful marriage
than go the route of separation and divorce.
Sleep is one of our most precious resources. It is vital to our health and well-being. Just as we need food for energy, we need sleep to relax and recharge. During sleep the body renews its energy, releases growth hormones, and heals itself. In times of extreme stress sleep is one of the first things to become disrupted. There are two types of disruption: excessive sleeping and lack of sleep. It is not uncommon to experience both of them in the same period of time and even alternate between not being able to sleep and sleeping what seems like all the time.
Loss is one of the most painful human experiences, and over the course of a lifetime we can experience a variety of losses. How we process and experience our loss will greatly impact how we recover from it and how we’ll handle the inevitable additional losses we’ll experience in the future. Loss impacts us across our lifespan. It can be experienced as part of the developmental separation from a caregiver, or in response to divorce or the death of a loved one. The more we allow ourselves to feel attached and connected to others, the greater the potential for loss, making the idea of attachment a risky endeavor for many people.
There are two kinds of divorce situations. The first is a divorce that comes from both partners agreeing that the marriage is not working. Whether the process of divorce is amicable or contentious, there’s a mutual understanding that both partners want out. The second kind of divorce results from one partner deciding to leave. This kind of a divorce situation creates a very particular experience for the person being left, and raises emotional experiences that most people spend their entire lives trying to avoid. Rejection, abandonment, powerlessness, rage, despair, and sadness are only a few of the feelings that can surface for someone who’s been left by their partner.