Have We Met? I’m the Perfect Puppy Mom

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You know how everyone is the perfect parent – before they have kids? They always know EXACTLY how they would parent saying, “When I have kids, I’ll NEVER cut the crusts off their sandwiches,” and, “My kids will know how to read before starting kindergarten.” 

Well, I’ve become that mom – except with my puppy.

Our latest little blessing arrives in four weeks, and of these facts I am sure:

1. He will be perfectly crate trained. I’m still learning exactly what that means, but I’m convinced it will hold true for my dog.

2. My kids will do as they promised. They said they would take care of him, happily picking up poop and going on long walks. The novelty will not wear off. My kids will remain as committed as ever to their dog.

3. My dog will be easily housebroken. And of course, he will only ever poop in the allocated place in the backyard. Some dog owners have told me I’m overly ambitious, but they don’t have my dog, now do they?

4. I like my dogs the same way I like my small humans – well trained. My dog will graduate top of the puppy training school, of course.

5. All six kids will be consistent with the puppy, and follow the set rules of training without falter. None of them will ever attempt to smuggle the dog into one of their beds or onto the couch for a cuddle. Never.

6.  I will not spend a ridiculous amount of money on this pup. This means I won’t get sucked into buying cute doggie coats, luxurious beds, fancy toys, or puppy-sized Halloween costumes. There will be no “doggie bling” in our house. Really, I mean it.

OK, so perhaps I’m living in the same altered reality as those perfect childless parents. But maybe this altered reality exists for a reason; to ensure we keep having kids and adopting dogs. 

Do me a favor – don’t burst my bubble; it’s keeping me from feeling completely overwhelmed by my new soon-to-be dog mom status.

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