3 Reasons why Jessica Simpson is the Smartest Blonde You Know

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Okay, so maybe you don’t know Jessica Simpson. I don’t either. But I know plenty of women just like her.

Yes, I’m talking about those disgustingly obese women who put on more than the recommended 25-35 pregnancy pounds. I also know women who gained nothing but the 8-10 pounds of pure baby and liquid that was absolutely necessary to create another human life.

Of all the pregnant women I’ve known, none have had the same pregnancy. I have known lethargic snackers who rightly should have gained a hundred pounds and yet escaped with a basketball belly. I have known the most careful dieters who exercised every day of pregnancy and still came out looking like the Beast That Ate Miami. Our bodies know what to do, and we have to trust women to listen to their bodies. I’m trusting Jessica Simpson will be just fine.

Why?

Because she’s one smart blonde. Cases in point:

Free Media

Major news media are talking about Jessica Simpson every day. Her gorgeous face is everywhere. Vicious comments are hurled at her in all imaginable media, but she is used to them, so we can assume that she is strong enough not to let them hurt her. Meanwhile, Simpson gets to play the innocent. And all she had to do was have sex and eat PopTarts.

Real Beauty

Simpson seems to understand the temporary nature of her weight gain. She seems to have a healthy sense of humor about the indignities of pregnancy. And one can assume that ultimately – Daisy Dukes be damned – this is a woman who does not equate weight with beauty. At the very least, she talks a good game, and when it comes to healthy self-image, that’s half the battle.

Endorsements!

Hello, 3 million dollar Weight Watchers deal! How many women can relate to gaining a little too much weight and needing help to lose it? Go on, raise your hand. Simpson only endears herself to regular women by living like one of us, rather than as an image-obsessed slave to calorie counting and excessive training. She would also be adorable in workout videos, on the cover of diet books, and on the tags of trendy workout garb. Personally, I’d like to see what she can do with a platform tennis shoe.

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