Can People Really Change?by Erica Diamond
Happy Monday Ladies. My kids went back to school today after being off 9 days for winter break. I’m not afraid to scream it from the rooftops… HALLELUJA!!! The time off was wonderful. We were up north for the week. We skied, we skated, we bowled, we bonded, we watched movies, and it was heaven. I did my best to keep the boys happy and entertained. But it was time to get back to the regularly scheduled routine, thank you very much.
We experienced a few “firsts” this trip. On the way home from the ski hill Saturday, my three year old said “Fuck,” to which we all could not believe our ears and my husband asked him again, “What did you just say?” He answered again, loud and clear, “Fuck, daddy.” My hubby very sternly answered, “If you say that again, I will wash your mouth out with soap, do you hear me?” So now, every 20 minutes, he breaks down crying, and with his lisp, and sometimes a stutter, he reminds us, “Daddy mad with me? Daddy wash my mouth with soap?” He’s petrified of the soap.
Another first. My husband went flying down the staircase last night! I must have left a small Thomas The Train toy on the stairs, and when he went downstairs to get a snack, he tripped on the toy and fell down the whole flight. We think his hand is broken and for sure his baby toe is broken. Oh boy! Not funny, although after he realized he wasn’t paralyzed, we both couldn’t stop laughing. Never a dull moment.
But back to the title of the Blog post. Like so many of you, I tuned into the Tiger Woods press conference on Friday. When I watched him speak, I couldn’t help but notice how the words were all the right words on paper, but it all seemed very disjointed, calculated and cold. And I wondered if Tiger will really ever change his ways. It all led me to wonder– do people really change? I’m VERY on the fence here.
So, can people really change? Is it; once a cheater always a cheater? And that led me to the next thought, if people really don’t change, that’s one sad and scary thought.
But really, think back to someone you recently bumped into, perhaps from high school. Was this person drastically different now than they were many years ago? I hate to say it, and it upsets me to say it, but I am from the school of thought that we really do not change the fabric of our being. My hubby promises to throw his underwear in the dirty laundry every morning after his shower, but somehow, it never quite makes it there. Nor does a new roll of toilet paper make it on the rolly thing. And even if I put a new roll by the toilet, it will still sit there until I physically change it on the rolly thing myself. With all my hubby’s redeeming qualities, and there are many, this will never change.
I also feel we all have innate characteristics and traits that make us who we are. I feel the sooner we come to terms with who were are innately, the sooner we can move towards positive change and compensate for our shortcomings. We even see this in companies. Often companies will try and turn their best engineer into a superstar sales manager, only to have the employee fail miserably. It doesn’t mean the employee’s intentions were not genuine and full of integrity, it’s just hard to make a leopard change his spots.
But on the flip side, we hear of addicts who have overcome addiction and turned their lives around for the better. So to some degree, people do change. I just asked my mom (who is a therapist) what her take is on all this. She believes that when we finally hit the wall, we certainly can change. And it’s a choice all our own. Often it takes a very dark and scary moment with real consequences to create change. Maybe she has a point.
I truly don’t have the answer. I am still on the fence. I see both sides. It was more to get you ladies thinking this Monday morning.
I would like to leave you with The Serenity Prayer, which is a prayer that has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs whose motto is all about change:
- God, grant me the serenity
- To accept the things I cannot change;
- The courage to change the things that I can;
- And the wisdom to know the difference.
What is your take on change? Can people really change?
PS – I JUST finished the book 15minutes ago. We’re still editing, but the intro and tribute pages are done. What a feeling! Incredible.