It seems lately that I am inspired to write only about my family challenges and most difficult struggles. Tonight my children warmed my heart, and I want to share my experience with you. It isn’t often that a10-year-old is moved to tears, but this was my night.
We all laid together tonight doing our usual bed time story routine, except tonight we all shared one room. Two kids in each bed because they have been missing each other and me rotating between. We caught up on all the normal stuff, and then moved on to my older girls required reading assignments. I felt like cuddling a bit longer so I brought in my own reading. I have been on a tight deadline with the final manuscript for my book, which requires a cover-to-cover read through. My girls have privately watched me working on my book for the past year and have many questions about its content. If only they knew much of it is about my journey with them: my intentions, my wishes, struggles, lessons learned, etc. My oldest has often asked if she could read it, and my response has been, “One day when you are old enough.” You can imagine the curiosity that developed from that. I am surprised that her brilliant and creative mind has not busted into my files for her own free for all!
Because I am at the crucial stage of “The Naked Mom” actually becoming a reality, I desperately needed some feedback on my very personal and vulnerable content. Since David fell early to sleep, I thought “who better to share with then some of the characters themselves?” So I began to narrate the very familiar stories (which fully included them), and my brutally honest take on many family matters. Much to my surprise, they begged for me to read on with intrigue and undivided attention. I was so nervous what their response may be. I would never expose my children in an embarrassing or inappropriate way, but you know how kids can react. In fact, they were like, “Really mom, you think that? Wow, I do that? What about me, do you talk about me too? You’re so right about that Mom! That’s great advice! Can we do more of that?” They lay there and listened to me read for 1-½ hours and begged for more.
My 8-year-old, Sierra, asked if I could read my book to her every night. Of course I cannot read many parts to her, but many I can. I know how much children like to hear their own stories told, but I didn’t realize how interested they are in how their mother really thinks. They told me that since I started writing this book they felt like I have been a better mom. Kind of crazy, I mean how was I before, Loll! In all seriousness, I sort of agree. Writing about philosophies, challenges, joy, it all makes you think about what really matters and what is most important. My daughter told me that she thought I was perfect. I am absolutely not, but just hearing that from my child was very tender. My daughter said that that was the best book she ever heard!
I laughed hard inside and wondered what was up with that, especially because it was only a small taste of a very complicated story. Then it hit me that it was about the time shared, the moments that she cuddled in my arm and listened to a tender voice. A voice that was about us. I told both of my girls how grateful I am for everything that they have taught me, and that my book was for them because being their mom is the greatest role I will ever play. My 10-year-old started to cry and we all snuggled up in one corny emotional ball of love.
It was a meaningful exchange of acknowledgements. Don’t ever underestimate sharing your tender feelings with your children. I felt how much it meant to my girls tonight, and they responded with a deep love that I have been missing. I think I finally figured out how to calm the storm of Hurricane Wednesday.