Love isn’t an ultimatum and it can never be a trade, there is only genuine fulfillment in
unconditional love which means no giving your kids a treat for doing the dishes or having
sex with your husband because he took out the trash (humans aren’t dogs). Genuine,
unconditional love is given no matter what the actions or words of the other person are.
Now WHY Unconditionally Love?
What is in it for me? Anyone should ask… Everything
is in it for you- true fulfillment in your heart. You won’t be as affected by others because
the expectations have faded away and you’re loving to love and not living from fear.
I was taken back when I saw the film “Expecting Mary” a few weeks ago because the
characters were so uncharacteristically loving. In our culture today everything is
about “what can I get” and “what can I give” only seems to arise when we remember
we want to go to heaven or become more enlightened for reincarnation. The film and its
characters display an unconditional sense of community, love, and non-judgment that has
kept me very present to how I was loving/treating others.
#1 Love Yourself
How can you love your kids or your husband if you don’t love yourself first. Everyone
has heard this before, but that means there is truth in it. In our fast-pace lives of kids,
work, family, cooking it is imperative to take time for YOU so you can be full to give
to everyone else. When you’re loving yourself you can be unconditional because outside
obstacles and actions of others fall away due to the fullness overflowing internally from
#2 Understanding Projection and Other’s Perspectives
This is an extreme example to understand projecting using the film Expecting Mary.
The main character is a pregnant teen who runs away from home when her parents want
her to have an abortion- a man asks her what her story is and she projects what she
thinks he sees her as- a pregnant nobody. It is actually a view/opinion/belief that she
has about herself because the man really wants to know her heart and passions, but she
projected her own fears. Acknowledging others projecting on to you and vise versa is a
helpful tool in unconditionally loving to love amongst the fear, judgments and self-doubt.
Often times in our whirlwind of life we remain in our self-centric bubble and forget to
see where other people are at or what they’ve been going through. Understanding and
compassion for your husband or friend over-working on a big project will help you
cultivate love for them rather than frustration. Point of view is everything when you want
to live from an unconditional place.
#3 Choosing Love, Not Fear
When you “trade” actions/things for love or feel yourself avoiding a necessary
conversation, fighting, or boiling up a bit with internal anger all of those things are results
of fear. Lovingly controlling situations with your kids or spouse may feel certain, but
the root of its motivation is actually fear. The only way to love unconditionally is to dig
to the core of why you don’t like to be alone (lack of self-love) or want your kids to get A’s in school (for the love of others)… The motivation for whatever decisions, words,
thoughts, or emotions are best to originate from a place of love to bring more joy and
happiness into your life.
About the Author
Bridget Nielsen is the author of The Secret to Finding Passion in Your Career and a blogger for the Huffington Post helping kids and college graduates re-discover their passions, confidence, and self-love. Her 23 year old youthful age and her studies on each generation gives her a unique and creative perspective to relate to children while understanding parents, and their needs. She is a graduate of Pepperdine University with a double major in Fine Arts and Business Administration.
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Expecting Mary is wonderful for moms and their kids and expresses the power of friendship, standing up for what you believe in, and loving others in your community. It has a Juno and educational element and is incredible for teaching teens, in a beautiful way, about teen pregnancy, not judging others, and living a loving life. Click below to enter to win tickets to see Expecting Mary and a prize pack from the movie!
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