I am mother to a 3½-year-old boy that my husband and I adopted at birth. I am also in the process of adopting a little girl, who happens to be the biological sister of our son, and will be born in 8 days.
Shocking News: I Couldn’t Get Pregnant!
After a few years of trying to get pregnant, I found out that I was born with no fallopian tubes and half a uterus – thus rendering me unable to carry a baby. Not the most fun news to hear while your legs are in stirrups and you are staring at the ceiling, but timing has never been my strongest virtue. My condition is something I was born with and it affects about 1% of the world’s population. I was shocked. I thought I was the most fertile woman on earth and spent years trying NOT to get pregnant! So, after many tears (and birthday cake, my go-to when I am sad!) my husband and I decided to go with the flow of our reality and explore adoption.
The Process of Adoption
There are many ways to adopt. You can go overseas to adopt, as many people and celebs have chosen. You can choose to adopt publically in the US, which can be a long waiting game. Or, you can choose to go the route of private adoption – that is, work with an attorney who helps place pregnant women with wanting families. We chose this route.
In a nutshell, private adoption works like this: We were asked to create a “birth mother” letter. This is the information the birth mothers will have when making their decision about who they want to place their baby with. If the birth mother likes what she reads, then the attorney will set up a time to speak on the phone. If the phone conversation is amicable and a connection is felt, then you move forward with the legal paperwork.
My husband and I decided to have an Open Adoption, that is, we chose to remain in contact with the birth parents. Open adoption was not my idea. It was my husband’s. The only time in my life that I threw and broke a glass during a fight was when we were discussing open adoption. It was like rubbing salt into my wound. Really? Just because I cannot have children on my own, you now want me to share being a mom with his birth mother? Can’t I just pretend she never existed and have her go away? I felt threatened and insecure and I did not want our child to think he has two mommies. Once the glass was swept and I calmed down, I realized that open adoption is the best way to de-mystify the process and stay honest and open for the sake of our child.
Love at First Sight
So, with a bit of anxiety, we flew to meet these people who were about to change our lives forever. Luckily, it was love at first sight. They seemed like good people, smart people doing the responsible thing for a child they could not care for at this stage of their lives. We agreed to move forward with the adoption and the attorneys and social workers led us down a path of paperwork compliance. Our son was born 3 ½ years ago and he is the light of our lives. His presence has brought our entire family together in a way that could not have been imagined prior to becoming parents/grandparents/aunts and uncles. As a family we have visited his birth parents once. His birth mother and I e-mail and text every so often and we send pictures of our son so they can see him growing up. For their part, they send presents for his birthday, which we explain came from the people who created him and from the woman who carried him in her belly.
About 10 months ago, I got a phone call from our son’s birth parents that they are pregnant again and were wondering if we would be interested in adopting. I think I must have been Mother Theresa in my past life to deserve such a blessing in this life! We happily welcomed the opportunity to bring into all of our lives a biological sibling for our son – and, my dream came true — the baby was a girl!
Awaiting Baby #2
So, here I am, literally 8 days away from the birth of our baby girl! I feel pressure and stress, but I know deep down that I will get finished what needs to get done and what does not get completed will just have to wait! It’s hard enough running two companies and being a mom to a 3 ½ year old boy, at age 42. I also recognized that I have just signed up for another year of no sleep – but lord knows, I love my life, I love the chaos, and I even love the feeling of utter exhaustion when I lay my head down at the end of the day. I have learned to live with imperfection and bad nails. In my case, it may not be the most traditional route, but now I truly believe you can have it all!