I haven’t been blogging this past week because I have been in a bit of a mommy rut, dealing with some challenging child issues.  Thankfully I have three other kids to balance out the draining tough times with one of my beloved babies. This week, being a parent has totally sucked!

It amazes me how children can give us our highest highs and lowest lows. I’ve been cyber silent because I’m in a tough situation with one of my daughters and I can’t seem to find my way out.  I’m usually so open to share my tough times.  I change my views, address my challenges – case by case – and grow where I can.  

I always try to learn from each of my children, evolve as a parent and share my struggles so we can learn from one another… but this time I’m stuck. I will remain vague until I find my way out of the woods because I do not know how to make a positive out of this heartbreaking stage.  This week has been all about loving unconditionally, even when my kid is crushing me, finding patience in my most frustrating moments and remaining selfless.  Not easy!

It’s been draining to say the least. Truth be told, I know the rewards of raising a family are greater than the punishments our kids dish out.  Yes, kids punish parents too and the way they do it is much meaner and malicious!

The hardest part of being a parent is loving a person that at times clearly hates your guts! And after the hurt, you get pissed and if you haven’t had any therapy then the dangerous payback stage kicks in… JK, that was just a momentary thought (I’ve had my share of therapy).

But jeez, all my kids are so different and what works for one totally fails for another.  And they are never all happy at the same time! And whatever we do as mothers will never be good enough. What-the-hell-is that? A healthy woman would leave a partner if they hurt her all the time and treated her like S*!T. But with my kids, I signed up for forever and the fine print says love them no matter what and even more when they are in their darkest stages.

I had a good cry this week, and I must say I needed it! It’s been a while, and as my estrogen overflowed one day, so did my tears along with all the mommy guilt my sensible dam had been containing.

I’m not even striving for balance, just harmony. Or more realistically a unique harmony where we can all dance to the beat of our own drum. Lately it’s been like a rave DJ trying to spin for a symphony orchestra. This week, my daughter was so sh*tty, one afternoon I cried so hard in my truck that I had to pull over.  It felt good to let it out though.

‘Fessing up and being brutally honest isn’t just a mommy vent, it’s me keeping it real and not being afraid to admit my truth.  I love my kids so completely and passionately that I also get down and dirty pissed at them!  And honestly that ability keeps me real.  Do I tell them they are bitchy little brats, hell no!  But I sure will let it rip with my sister. I never fear being judged, what I fear more is being stuck in my own pain and frustrations of motherhood.  Thankfully I can reach out to my sister any time and she always lends me a gentle ear, sound advice and reassuring support that this too shall pass.

She shared this quote that rang true… “A mother’s happiness is measured by her most unhappy child” – so true, so sad and so powerful.

What’s really defeating to me as a parent is not knowing how to fix something – and feeling helpless.  I know that happiness isn’t something we can just give our children, but it sure is a personal goal of mine.

I’m never fully happy and content when the rest of my tribe isn’t…

So I am rolling through this tough stage with my temporarily miserable child and hopefully we will pave a new way through her adventure.  I call it an adventure because I never know what to expect and when I do have expectations, my kids turn the corner – which reminds me that it’s their journey.