This made me think a lot about communication, and I thought Lady X’s comments would resonate with many moms, dads, and everyone else.
Communication is challenging with our children, because we do not often speak the same language. But neither do most men and women. I applied the lessons I learned from my daughter to my relationship. I realize the importance of communicating in an effective way in all of my relationships, both inside and out of my home.
Chapter 8 in my book, The Naked Mom, is called “Can You Hear Me Now?”. It’s about learning to speak the many different languages that live in my home, and how to relate to everyone’s different personalities. Yes, that is easier said than done, but I am constantly working on it. Having a deep connection is about the 4 C’s: Clarity, Confidence, Consistency and Compassion. Funny enough, I learned that philosophy from a horse- sounds weird, but read it and see. I share in that chapter about how I found my own voice, and how I work to make sure it keeps the right tone.
To Lady X that commended me for my guts… Thank you, but writing and sharing for me is nothing about bravery. It’s about vulnerability and my commitment to share my stories so we can learn from one another. I love to hear other women’s stories. I often change my point of view when I understand someone else’s process.
After reading Lady X’s childhood memories, it made me want to give my own mother a bit more compassion.
Thank you for sharing. Please continue to share so we can grow together.
I just read your “Bad Mommy Award” blog and I want to commend you for having the guts to admit your mistakes. By realizing you used hurtful words and reaching out to your daughter with an apology is something your daughter will remember when she’s older with her own children.
I am not a mother…but am in my mid 30’s and have vivid memories of similar “battles” with my mother and I’m still deeply hurt by some of the words she used in the heat of the moment. My mother was a single mother of 3 children. My father was completely out of the picture (emotionally and financially) when we were very young. To say she was stressed is an understatement. As an adult I absolutely understand how easy it is to say things we don’t mean because we are angry and frustrated and I can look back and totally see how she could have vented the way she did and said the things she said. I have brought some of the things up to her and she has absolutely no memory of saying certain things…this tells me they were just words and meant nothing…to her. Even knowing that, those words still hurt me.
I will never tell my mother my true feelings. I know she did the best she could and would hate to make her feel she failed as a mother. Ironically, she is dealing with the same issues with her elderly mother as well.
Thank you for your honesty…you’re an amazing person!