“My friend asked me how I raised three kids with no help.
Honestly, the answer is:
It’s because of friends like you and Kristen who always had room for me and my kids (slumbers). I don’t know if you remember how I used to call you, pack the kids up, come over to swim then we would all stay the night! Those little things helped me more than you know.”
Xoxo – Friend X
I received that e-mail after I wrote my blog about the value of friendship. Since then, I have been being a better friend and I have been receiving a lot of much needed support from my friends. It’s amazing how you get back what you put in. I believe that to be the case in all areas. Unless of course you are in a relationship with a taker, then that’s a different story and you should get the HELL OUT!
Speaking of giving, I was so touched; in fact I sat in carpool and cried when I read Quinn’s blog. Anyone who is in a relationship should check it out right now before reading on…
Marrying Up by Quinn Daly
First of all, I cried because I was in a bad place and I was not feeling many of the things that she shared so it struck a nerve with me. I totally commend her for recognizing her flaws and working on herself to make them better not only for her, but for her partner too. I also went through many years of therapy to address lots of different issues. It’s a commitment, and unfortunately one that has taken a back seat to my many other priorities lately. Quinn was right on about the fact that parts of our behavior are from deep rooted issues and if you don’t deal with them they will haunt you at some point…
One great bit of advice I did take with me through couples therapy was that many problems you experience with your partner have very little to do with each other and are mostly about your own shit. I’ve thought a lot about Quinn’s philosophy, and her commitment to her man. I’m not sure I believe it to be possible to think your mate is the greatest ALL the time. I don’t even think that is necessary but her thoughts on commitment really ran deep for me. The commitment to being the best person you can be.
I asked myself if I am who I really want to be.
I mean do you really know who you are? Many of us can name very quickly all the things we DON’T want to be, but are we who we hoped to be?
There is a great article in the NOV issue of Oprah Magazine, PG 181 about “How To Be The Person You Were Meant To Be”.
I know at times I need to be a better Mom, more patient and more involved with the little things. I am totally there for everything that matters most, but with so many children I often wish I had more time for the little things. I don’t beat myself up about it, I know I can only do so much but I thought a lot this week about who I am and who I strive to be…
I know that as a partner I often focus on his negatives, and what I am not getting from him instead of my negatives and what I am maybe not giving. Truth is that I give so much that I tend to expect the same in return and I know better. Not everyone is capable of giving the same amount. The healthier approach is to be who you want to receive. Are you following me? In other words, it’s so easy to ask for the world, but are you willing to give it?
I think that it is such a stressful time and fuses run short. I know that mine is lately. There is a funk in my house and the longer it stays, the funkier it gets! I know we all go through it; I’m just fessing up that now it’s my turn. After Quinn shared her blog, it reminded me to get back to a place that is about what I’m giving and not about what I’m not getting. Easier said than done, but I’m trying it at home and truly hoping it will be infectious.
I’m not sure that anyone will ever be able to give you everything you want, or everything you need. But, I am sure that as women we need to learn to help ourselves, comfort ourselves, and know how to get ourselves out of the emotional blues. Sometimes it takes a friend or something we read to strike a cord, but the only sure thing is to understand what makes you tick and knowing how to take care of yourself.
Thanks for sharing such a personal blog Quinn and for making me think differently this week. A little reminder goes along way.