I just read a shocking stat about how many couples cheat and how many are not having the sex they want. 50 – 60% of married couples will commit adultery – SAD! But that’s not what motivated me to write this blog. I’m writing it because over lunch with my girlfriends the subject of “how to get the sex you‘re not getting” came up. ½ the table could relate, while the other half was wishing their husbands would take an out of town gig. So why are some women wanting more and other women wanting less? What is the secret to satisfaction? Are we insatiable creatures? To keep it personal without getting too personal – oh what the hell, my sex life is getting better and better. I was not part of the ½ that was complaining that my man wants it too much!
I happen to be in my sexual groove right now, notice I said right NOW… I am also living with a man that I am impossibly attracted to, which helps a lot. I use to think that along with the 30’s would come the automatic rage of the “sexual prime!” After sprinkling in 2 babies, it was hardly the case. I went through the expected hormonal roller coaster, wanting it all the time during pregnancy, and not wanting it at all after delivery. It’s sad and disappointing to be a sexual woman and then practically lose your mo jo over night! I credit that depressing phase of my womanhood to many things.
If you ‘re trying to reignite the passion in your relationship or keep the fire burning, might I suggest taking a look at these things…
How hectic is your lifestyle and can you slow down long enough to even think about sex, let alone do it? We’re all exhausted as moms, especially the new ones who are dealing with their own set of issues that can squash anyone’s sex drive. Fatigue, that’s the root of all-evil. I cannot tell you how many times I have had the freakiest of intentions that led to me passed out enjoying my own fantasy in la la land.
Aline Zoldbrod, PhD, a Boston-based sex therapist and author of Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On urges women to “stop being a superwomen. You will never feel sexual if you are exhausted and depleted and up to the gills in responsibility. Ask for help. Buy the brownies, don’t bake them.”
Low self-esteem is another common kicker. If you are not feeling good about yourself (most new moms don’t love their new body) it’s hard to feel sexy. Find a way to love your body. Do something for yourself! Whether it happens in the salon or at the gym, the woman behind the scenes still needs to feel beautiful. It’s amazing what a good blow dry can do for girl! LOL! It’s said that working out will increase your sex drive. We know that it relieves stress and makes you feel better about yourself, and it gives you more energy. Did you know that you could actually skip the gym and burn 200 calories at home during 30 minutes of active sex, what a bonus! Seriously though, the more you take care of yourself, the better you feel which could lead to more sexual confidence.
Confidence of any kind is hot, but sexual confidence is steamy! Btw, the more sex you have, the more you want. I know that to be true.
Discuss your sexual fantasies. I totally believe that some fantasies are not meant to be played out, but the freedom I have with David allows for us to use our imagination and keep it playful. Play dates are not just for the kids. Don’t take it too seriously.
Here are some easy tips:
Set the mood with candles and sexy music
A trip to the lingerie store never made anyone mad. Even if you’re living in your sweats, rock something beautiful underneath. You’ll feel sexy and he will love it!
Watch a sexy film together. I’ll let you figure that one out. One of my favorites is Kama Sutra and it’s not x rated!
Make out! I love kissing David, it’s a great way to connect, and the car is still a great destination.
Book a local hotel room. The kids don’t often allow for a romantic getaway. These days when funds are low, consider a local rendezvous. It doesn’t have to be all night. Cheap sex is fun!
Don’t take it too seriously. You gotta have sex to get out of a sexual rut. Make it great sex! The more you have the more you’ll want. Give what you want to get back.
Surprise each other. Everyone loves romance and seduction. If you’ve been married forever, revisit that intoxicated lustful state. If you’re just getting started, bottle it so you can keep it forever.
Know your body and his. Most of us are not lucky enough to be with a mind reader. We do have a responsibility to tell each other what turns us on. Communication is key, but sex talks open a whole other door.
Eat sexy foods. There are many that are believed to increase your libido. Even if that’s bull, having a healthy diet is super important, but some foods are just plain fun. Frozen bananas, oysters, Uni, almonds, salmon, figs, raspberries, etc.
I’ll end with the possibility of happiness. Happiness breeds beautiful things. When we’re happy our energy is higher and our sex drive is greater. Isn’t it so much better making love to someone that makes you happy? It all takes some effort. I am so happy to be in love and to love the man I’m with.
I better end it now and get to bed, before I find D fast asleep.