I come to you today completely exposed and raw. I am bone-weary and broken. In the short amount of time I have been awake, I’ve already done more than what some do in a full day. While I go through the motions, I try not to wake the heavy breathing toddlers that are still fast asleep in the comforts of my bed. I do this while I think about the tasks of the day before me and repeat the Mama’s Prayer in my head like my very own mantra. I tell myself that today will be a good day, I will try my best to be the Mom that I was created to be. But first I must ask to be forgiven for a few mistakes I’ll probably make along the way.
Please forgive me for losing my temper. I didn’t want to respond with harsh screams when you spilled your milk all over the floor that I had just mopped. I know it was an accident, I can see it in those big brown eyes, that are filled with tears and looking up at me. Sometimes Mommy has bad days and doesn’t handle stress well. I’m sorry.
Please forgive me for expecting you to act your age but forgetting that in fact, your age is only 10. I have to remind myself continuously that one day I’ll miss that rowdy 10 year old and I don’t want to regret making you grow up too fast. Now is the time to run, giggle, tell silly jokes, play and explore as much as you can. I’ll try and keep that in mind the next time I get onto you for acting your age. I’m sorry.
Please forgive me for pushing too hard too soon. It’s only because I see your potential that even you can’t see in yourself just yet. I know your ability, because part of it is mine. I see the drive in your eyes that I know one day will develop into accomplished goals and dreams. I know the limitless possibilities that the future could hold for you, if only you never stop trying. But I also know that now isn’t that time, and therefore, I need to take a step back and let you develop at your own pace. I’m sorry.
Please forgive me for always answering with, “in a minute.” I know you just want to show me something, tell me something, spend time with me. I want to spend time with you too, but sometimes I let the household chores have too much control over our day. I often forget that “in a minute” you’ll be grown up and walking out my door to begin a new chapter in your life. I promise I will try and be more conscious of the here and now. I’m sorry.
Please forgive me for being upset one minute and elated the next. I know sometimes living with me is like being on a roller coaster ride! One day when you become a parent you’ll understand how in one second you can go from disappointment to pride for the child that stands in front of you. I’m sorry for being all over the place.
Along with asking for forgiveness I also want to thank you. You have shown me more grace than I could ever deserve. You love me during my ugliest times and you hold my hand when I’m sad. God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought you into my life. He knew that there would be times that I would need to see the world through your eyes and know that there was someone here on earth that was seeing me through his. For you do not judge me, like the world judges me and you forgive me as Jesus does. Because you are my child, my flesh and blood, my answered prayers, my soul, my real beginning and my ending. To witness the love between a mother and her child is to see beauty at it’s purest.