For three months, I slept on our son’s bedroom floor.
When AJ was 11, anxiety hit our family full force. Our outgoing, athletic boy, who lived for the basketball court, was now struggling just to walk through the school doors. Some days, I ran my business from my car, parked outside his classroom window, just so he could look out and know I was close by.
As a parent, there’s nothing harder than watching your child struggle and realizing you can’t just kiss the boo-boo and make it all better. If I could have taken every ounce of worry away from him, I would have done so in a heartbeat.
But here’s something his dad and I learned along the way. We couldn’t take away all his worries, but we could give him tools to help navigate them. We also learned that change, even exciting change, can feel HUGE to a child navigating anxiety. And let’s face it, the holidays bring plenty of that!
We all want the holidays to be filled with fun, laughter, family traditions, and memories our children will carry with them forever. Crowded family gatherings, travel, loud celebrations, and late nights—it’s a lot for a child who’s already trying to manage some pretty big feelings.
Over time, we learned that creating happy memories didn’t mean having a perfectly planned holiday. Sometimes it meant adjusting our expectations and meeting our kiddo where he was. I’m not a doctor or a therapist. I’m a mom who’s been there and wants to share what I learned worked for our family in hopes that something might help yours, too.
Here are a few practices that helped our family find more calm without missing out on the joy of the season.
Tip 1: Prepare them ahead of time
One thing we learned with AJ is that sometimes the unknown can be scarier than the actual event. What feels like a fun surprise to us can feel completely overwhelming to an anxious child.
I would sit down with him the night before and walk through what the day was going to look like. I’d say something like, “Okay, buddy, here’s the plan for tomorrow. We’re going to Grandma’s house; there will be a lot of family there; we’ll eat dinner around six, and we’ll head home afterward. Is there anything about tomorrow that’s worrying you?”
And that last question was so important! I never wanted to assume I knew what he was worried about. Sometimes it was something I hadn’t even considered. It sounds simple, but taking away some of those unknowns can make a big difference.
Tip 2: Agree on a secret signal
When they’re already feeling overwhelmed, the last thing they want is everyone asking what’s wrong.
It’s helpful to have a specific code word or signal between you and your child. It could be a gentle squeeze of the hand, a tug on your sleeve, or even a silly word that only the two of you understand. That way, if things start feeling like too much, they can quietly let you know without having to explain themselves in front of everyone.
But the important part is to honor that word or signal. When they have the courage to let you know they’re feeling overwhelmed, and you respond, you’re showing them that their feelings matter and that they can count on you.
Tip 3: Pick a Quiet Reset Spot
Sometimes our kids just need a change of scenery and a little space to reset. For AJ, our reset spots weren’t always quiet rooms. Sometimes they were the Starbucks down the street or our favorite TGI Fridays during a lunch break from school.
We had the same booth, and the waitress knew our order by heart. During some of our hardest days, I lived for that smile across the table as he enjoyed his usual chicken tenders with french fries and honey mustard.
For holiday gatherings, that might be a quiet bedroom, a porch, or even the car. Somewhere they can take a brain break before joining the stimulating fun again.
Tip 4: Try a Five-Senses Check-In
This is one of my favorite grounding tools, and guess what? I still use it myself as an adult. When AJ’s anxious thoughts started spiraling, we’d practice bringing his attention back to what was happening around him instead of everything he was worrying about.
Start by noticing something you can see. Maybe it’s the trees, the holiday lights, or the people around you. What can you smell? Freshly baked cookies? Touch the softness of your clothing. Listen for laughter. And finally, notice what you can taste.
The beauty of this exercise is that you can do it anywhere. And parents, this one’s for us, too.
Tip 5: Connection Before Correction
Sometimes our kids don’t need another conversation, another coping tool, or another solution. They just need us.
I remember nights when AJ was struggling, and I’d sit on the floor beside his bed, holding his hand. There were nights when I didn’t have the right words, and I finally realized I didn’t always need them.
As parents, our first instinct is to fix everything, but we can’t always fix what our children are going through. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer is our presence, not our solutions.
A Final Thought: Anxiety Doesn’t Get to Define Their Story
I wish I could go back and tell the version of myself who was sitting in those hardest days just how far AJ would come. Because when you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to see beyond what’s happening right in front of you.
I remember one particularly difficult day when I’d taken AJ to Starbucks for a break from school. I was trying to encourage him to go back as he lay his head on the counter. A woman pulled me aside and said, “I see you. You are doing a great job.” Tears instantly filled my eyes. I had no idea how badly I needed to hear those words until a complete stranger said them to me.
Today, we lovingly call our son AJ 2.0. He’s back on the basketball court, playing tackle football, thriving in school, laughing with friends, and enjoying life. The same child who once struggled just to get through the school doors is now showing us what’s possible when we don’t give up.
And to the parents reading this, I want to pass along those same words that meant so much to me that day.
I see you. You’re doing a great job.
If anxiety is interfering with your child’s daily life, don’t hesitate to reach out to their pediatrician or a qualified mental health professional for additional support.
And please remember, anxiety does not have to define our children’s story. It’s something they can learn to navigate, and there is so much life waiting for them on the other side of those difficult days.
Kristin Weaver is a family resilience expert, motivational speaker and founder of Dream By Weaver. She shares her family’s journey through her son’s anxiety, including what worked and what didn’t, so other parents feel less alone. She speaks from lived experience as a mom, not as a medical professional. Learn more at dreambyweaverlife.com or on Instagram at @kristinweaverlife.
