“I feel my brain cells slowly dying every day” (recent status post on FB from a mom with young kids). The mom who recently made that statement is clearly drowning in the frenzied white water of parenting. Although swimming in a sea of diapers, laundry, scattered toys and sibling squabbles may not feel very mentally stimulating to most of us, don’t despair. By being purposeful and mindful, you can find meaningful ways to thrive amid the chaos and hone skills that make you more effective, more successful—and more joyful—both at home and at work.
Leadership Skills
Motherhood is a powerful training ground for leadership skills. The good news is that every day at home with your kids gives you multiple opportunities to practice being a better leader—IF you notice them and train yourself to take advantage of them. Instead of merely slogging through each day putting out fires, squashing conflicts and completing menial jobs until exhaustion overtakes you, open your mind to a higher goal. At home, you are the CEO of a small business, and the lessons you learn there not only make you smarter, but also carry over to your office, making you a more valuable manager at work. Here’s just three of the important leadership skills you can strengthen with your kids that will make you a better mom at home and a better manager in your workplace.
1. Building Trust
A work environment where people trust each other is essential for doing their best and most creative work. Otherwise, employees are reluctant to share their best ideas or do more than they’re asked, for fear of making a mistake and being judged. Mindful moms can strengthen their trust-building skills at home.
Create a safe haven for your kids to share their problems and fears, and treat their feelings with sensitivity, compassion, and respect. Make it easy for your kids to tell you the truth, knowing that it takes great courage to fess up.
Stealing from the Cookie Jar
Let’s say your six-year-old sneaks a forbidden cookie from the jar. Rather than accusing him of misbehaving, let him know up front that you saw him take it, but that you understand how tempting it must have been. You can teach him to tell the truth by taking away his chance to lie. It’s ok to impose a consequence, but focus on how much you value and appreciate his honesty. Everyone benefits because you create a fair, genuine, honest environment at home, and you feel more confident applying the same principles at work.
2. Strengthen Communication
The best workplaces have open communication and free-flowing information. When people feel heard and valued for their ideas, production goes up. Mindful moms can use the trenches of motherhood to strengthen their communication skills with their kids and be better prepared to use them at the office, too.
Remember to listen more than you talk. The idea is to learn what your child thinks. Don’t pre-judge a situation, and don’t draw conclusions or give advice until you’ve asked a lot of questions, explored the situation from every angle, and believe you fully understand your child’s perspective. Only then will your child respect and accept what you have to say.
Co-Ed Sleepover
One night, about midnight, some years ago, my teenage daughter called me from a friend’s house to ask if she could spend the night. I asked, I probed, I listened, and I learned she was the only girl there—along with five other guys. I had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting out how ridiculous her request was, but instead we went back and forth respectfully until she felt heard. When I finally said, “I’m sorry, but the answer is no,” she complied and was home in ten minutes. That night, we proved to each other that we could talk about differences without agreeing and even strengthen our bond in the process.
3. Empowering Others
One of the most important qualities of a good leader is to see potential in her employees or team members. Mindful moms can maximize their natural skill of empowering on the home front by encouraging their kids to think for themselves and work independently and by inspiring them to be their best.
Helicopter parents hover over their kids, controlling them to make sure they don’t fail or make mistakes. The message to kids is that their parents don’t trust them to make wise choices, to take care of themselves or to be responsible. And kids respond by living out those parental expectations. But, if parents are purposeful in noticing and affirming the talents, skills and positive traits in their kids, it motivates them to reach for the stars. Let your kid make some of their own choices. Will they get into trouble and make stupid mistakes? Sure. All kids do. The idea is to discuss the goal, then let them find their own way to get there. This is a skill that good leaders use every day.
Parenting is a Resume-Builder
When working moms enhance their skills at home, they’re also more effective at work. So when moms leave work to have a baby, they need to proudly assert, “I’m going to take time to advance my leadership skills and come back better than I was before.” And when they return, they can confidently list the leadership skills they’ve learned and practiced with their children. It’s time for working moms to feel proud of our accomplishments. Parenting is not a gap in our resumes. It’s the most effective leadership training we could get.
