When we are young and in a relationship that is going south we accept certain ways of being told things are over. We hear it through a friend; we get a note in one of our classes or just happen to see the boy we love at the school dance with someone else. As we get older, breaking up is just as hard, but somehow the ways in which people feel it is acceptable to cut things off haven’t changed all that much. Yes, technology has given an out to less than communicative people who have issues with confrontation, but really how hard is it to make a choice for yourself that you want something different and then say so face to face? Very.
I would have to say on the list of being broken up with, I’ve had my fair share of Sex in the City moments, including being dumped on a post it. The ways in which people have decided to break things off or break my heart go hand in hand with that post it note. I understand that hurting someone can be uncomfortable, but inevitably the way in which we end things will be the lasting memory in anyone’s head.
Ways in which NOT to break up with someone:
- Via Text Message – In the world of technology this is a perfectly easy and normal means of communication. However no real conversations, arguments or heart to heart discussions should be had via text message. It leaves room for miscommunication, it opens you up to criticism in saying things you may normally not say in person and it’s downright impersonal. The person you are leaving has apparently meant something to you for a time period in your life; give them at least the respect of speaking with them, if not in person, then on the phone. I have been thrown out of a house after living together for over a year with four teenagers living with us via text message. Trust me when I say, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth for the overall insignificance I was given at the time.
- Via Email – Again, this is a normal means of communication, but how on earth do you want to put something in writing that will eventually get posted to snap chat or Facebook with your name blacked out if you’re lucky! Putting this type of heartfelt goodbye into an email will leave you open to scrutiny. Trust me when I say that email will be saved for years to come and brought up as evidence of your immaturity and distain as the person who received it uses it as the official description of who you are as a person.
- On Any Social Media – In a world where our dirty laundry is visible for all to see, it is a huge slap in the face to wake up one morning and see that you are apparently no longer “In a Relationship” online. It’s embarrassing and hurtful and even if you think no one see’s it, everyone does and it stings.
Moral of the story: Put your Big Girl/Boy pants on and have the conversation. Even if you now can’t stand the sight of the person you once shared your hopes and dreams with, you will feel so much better that you handled it as an adult. And who knows, the lasting memory you leave as a goodbye may be even better than the memories you made together.