Ever wondered what’s it like inside the mind of a four-year-old? Here’s a typical day: 4:30 a.m.HmmIm half awake. It would be so much cozier in Mommy and Daddys bed – right smack between them where I can make my body seem almost twice as big, and Mommy and Daddy can pretty much kiss the rest of their sleep goodbye.
Every year, people with very good intentions sit down and type out a list of New Years resolutions, usually consisting of some lofty goals like “I will never touch fast food again” or “I will whip those saddle bags into shape” or “I will be a more patient parent.”
So Im at Target today doing a little Santa shopping for my four-year-old, Elby (luckily shes not one of those super advanced four-year-olds you hear people brag about who can already read – otherwise I couldnt even write this column) when it occurred to me that… horrors…
About three weeks ago I started going back to the gym -a place I used to go religiously until I got pregnant with twins. Yup, Ive barely stepped foot into my place of worship in, oh, roughly two years.
A couple of weeks ago, my nanny found a louse on Matildas head. Apparently it was just crawling around, not a care in the world. Liz bagged it in a Ziploc sandwich bag so I could see it for myself and then called to deliver the bad news.
When people hear that I have twins, one of the first questions I’m usually asked is, “Do you have family around to help you?” The answer to that question is like one of the relationship status options on Facebook: It’s complicated. Although my mother and stepfather live nearby, I haven’t spoken to them since Elby turned two. My mom bought her only grandchild a tricycle at that birthday but she’s never seen her ride it. Since Elby will be five in November, shes long since grown out of the three-wheeler phase and now has a big girl bike she rides everywhere but her trike still resides in the garage waiting patiently for the twins.
People make a huge deal about their kids sharing. At any given time in any given playground you will hear a chorus of moms and dads yelling, Honey, share with your sister, Lucy, can you let that other little boy use your shovel? Ian, give your friend some of your goldfish crackers!
Someone recently commented – after seeing a photo of my daughter opening a present on Christmas – that it looked like a pink bomb had gone off in my house. They were referring to all the princess paraphernalia strewn around my living room.
I just caught sight of myself in the mirror and all I could think was D*mn, I need Botox.
My sister-in-law just had a baby and she had four hours of labor, pushed for one hour (with seven minutes between contractions so she could rest) while talking to her doctor and holding her husbands hand, and her beautiful baby boy slid out like a tiny miracle. Everything was perfect. Ive had two C-sections.