How I Dodged the Terrible Twos
Yesterday I was talking on the phone with my sister, asking how my little nephew has been. Were totally in the Terrible Twos, she sighed, her voice barely audible over the high-pitch wailing in the background that sounded like the cat was stuck in the pepper grinder. Hes mad because I put him in timeout for stabbing the dog with a fork.
In Praise of Teachers…
On Monday I walked my daughter, Ava, to her Pre-K classroom as usual. Together we hung up her backpack, said hello to Gus the classroom guinea pig and kissed goodbye. On the way out, I realized that one of the two teachers was missing. Where is Miss Kristie? I asked Miss Megan (its taken me 10 years to grow accustomed to this southern Miss (insert first name) thing, and now that I have, I cant shake it).
Can Kids and Pets Mix?
My daughter Ava and I have started a new tradition: every once in a while, we like to visit the kitties at the Humane Society. My girlfriends think Im crazy. Doesnt it break your heart? they ask. Im a little embarrassed to admit that it doesnt. I see the cats lounging in their semi-private studio apartments with wall-to-wall blanketing. Sure, theyre imprisoned, but this is hardly San Quentin. Bleeding hearts ask how I can resist bringing one home.
How To Answer Your Kid’s Difficult Questions…
I grew up going to Sunday school. I enjoyed decorating the classroom windows with brightly colored tissue papera trailer park version of stained glass. I liked the apple juice and butter cookies at snack time. The restgoing into the big church to listen to the sermon and take communionI merely tolerated. Then Mom made the mistake of signing me up for a Bible Study summer camp. The instructors had us discuss familiar stories from The Biblestories that Id never heard of because I was too concerned with my butter cookie to pay attention. I tried to fake it. But mostly I prayed to God to get me out of there so I could go play on the Slip n Slide before the entire summer was buried under the heavy weight of theology.
Mommy Fashionista or Wardrobe Malfunction?
My girlfriend Amber and I were in the mad clutches of a GAP Kids sale. As the mother of triplet boys, Amber had three good reasons to buy scores of discounted clothing. I, on the other hand, was merely feeding my consumer habit when I snatched a $7 sequined rainbow hoodie for my daughter. Then, a clerk informed us that the sale applied to the womens section, as well. We looked longinglymournfullyat the other side of the store decorated with life-size posters of girls 10 years and 6 sizes our junior, posing their spidery-thin legs and barely there butts. I sighed. We really should buy something for ourselves for a change, Amber said. But its so much work, I whined.