Every day, while our elementary-school children are still in the throes of gluing macaroni to paper and counting dried beans, cars stack up in two-by-two formation outside, waiting in the "Car-Riders" line as early as 55 minutes before the last bell rings. In that time, the children will master that day’s "sight words" and fill up on their share of paste... while I stare … [Read more...] about Stuck In The School Pick-Up Car Clusterfest
Lately, we’ve been on the birthday circuit. Today was a 2-year-old’s Thomas-the-Train celebration, tomorrow is a 3-year-old pony riding extravaganza, and next weekend 6-year-old twins are celebrating with a gymnastics party. I love birthday parties. When Ava gets invited, it reassures me that she is popular and I can look forward to eating the piece of cake she decapitates by … [Read more...] about $50K For A Three-Year-Old’s Birthday Party!?
I have a skewed perception of aging. My dad didn’t start working out until he was 65. He got his ear pierced around the same time--about 20 years after ear piercing fell out of fashion. Then he bought a Harley-Davidson. It had been about four decades since he last owned one but he figured that if his 87-year-old buddy Gene could ride, then so could he. Every time they’d set out … [Read more...] about Age is But a Number. No, Really. I Swear!
Last night I stayed up late watching A&E’s “Hoarders” with my mother-in-law. It was like watching someone else’s kid have a complete tantrum: You can’t look away though you know you should; your blood starts to percolate, you get a little sweaty and you want to strangle the little monster, but instead you just sit there and stare, unblinking, secretly congratulating … [Read more...] about The First Signs of Hoarding
A couple of days ago, Ava and I went searching for a Mother’s Day gift to send to my mom. It happens every year: I spend a month trying to figure out the most perfect and thoughtful gift to illustrate how much I love and appreciate her, and then with two days to spare, I scramble. Last year, I found myself standing in the beauty section of Marshalls holding a can of Big Sexy … [Read more...] about My Mother’s Day Failure