Thirty years of marriage counseling and 25 years of a second marriage have convinced me that couples do not need to fight; they need to discuss. Married couples need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don’t need to squabble, argue or bicker. Fights are dramatic, a dynamic that does not really help a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into a discussion. However, because social expectations and mythology are so strong (fighting is often glorified in films and on television as a sign of passion), many of my clients want guidelines for “fighting fair.” I’ve developed a set of Fair Fight Guidelines you may find helpful.