Yesterday was such a memorable day being on the Dave Ramsey Show. I think there are times in our lives when we reflect on some struggles and challenges we have been through and can’t help but think “how did I get through that”. Last night as I was driving home in a child-free, very quiet car from teaching a class I started thinking about the interview and what a neat experience it was…and suddenly I just started to cry. I was happy and excited from the events of the day…but suddenly there it was…the grief and sadness that Nana is not here to share it with me. That is the hardest thing about grief. It tends to make appearances when you least expect it. During sad and hard times I understand the grief of losing her…but I wasnt expecting it to grab my heart during the happy times. Do you know how happy she would have been yesterday? She would have been waiting with the children outside when I got home and we would have filled the kitchen with chaos and laughter as we talked about it. I can honestly say that when I first got the job as a radio show host I think she was more excited than me. I don’t think she ever missed a show.
This morning that ache was still there, compounded by the fact that we had a few circuits at the new house that kept blowing in the kids rooms. I called an electrician and showed up a few hours earlier than expected (how cool is that! :).
I raced home from work and as I driving I actually yelled out loud, “Nana I miss you so much, I want you here, I need you here with us, why did you leave?” I’m sure I was a sight for the people in the lanes next to me. I got home right as the electrician was finishing up. He told me what he fixed and got ready to head out the door.
As he was walking out he turned to me and said, “Can I tell you something?”. I said sure. He said, “I have never met you, I know nothing about you, but I want you to know I think you are amazing and there is such a goodness that radiates in you. Hold your head up, know in your heart that everyone can see it, and never be afraid of what other people think. You have alot to give this world, I can see it”. I stood there silent as he climbed in his truck and drove away.
As I drove back to work I couldn’t help but think that is so like Nana…to send an electrician to not just fix my lights but to remind me to carry the light in my heart.