Play by the rules or you're out!

In light of some of the problems that some college football teams have had with a few players, I have come to the conclusion that what they need is a team mom. After all, all six of my kids are playing sports this year and these young kids seem to have a basic understanding of what it means to be a part of the team and what is expected of them as well as the consequences for breaking the rules and being a poor sport. They are much younger than these college players but already it clicks that there are consequences for your behavior. One thing that helps things run smoothly with each of my kids’ teams is having a team mom….so this season I am willing to step up and be the team mom for the FSU Seminoles football team.

So Jimbo Fisher, I am going to take some of the pressure off of you as the head coach and let you focus on coaching and I will focus on keeping the players in line.

RULES FROM A TEAM MOM

1. If you are not on the field during a play, park it on the bench.

2. After the game put your uniform in the laundry hamper or it will not be clean for the next game. (Which means it will STINK and NO ONE will want to be in the huddle with you!)

3. You will at all times show the referees respect, regardless of the call, or you will find yourself on the bench. If you fight on the field, I will come off the bench and pull you off of the field so fast your head will spin. After I remove you from the field, you will sit on the bench until the game is over and then you will go over to the other team and apologize to the coaches for your disruptive behavior.

4. Each swear word out of your mouth will cost you $1.00 and will be put in the swear jar. This includes mouthing things that you think the camera won’t pick up as well as hand gestures. If I hear a swear word come out of your mouth you will remain on the field after the game and pick up EVERY empty cup on the sidelines for both teams….that way you can swear all you want and no one will have to hear it. Remember you are setting an example not just in how you play the game but in how you react to playing it good and bad.

5. A Team Meeting will occur every Sunday night at 6 pm at my dining room table. Dinner will be served. We will go around the table and you will have the opportunity to say what is working for the team. This is a time to bring up any things you don’t like that are going on with the team, and discuss the great things about being a part of the team. This meeting is mandatory for coaches as well.

6. You are a part of a team and tardiness to practice or team meetings will cost you 2 minutes out of a game. Tardiness is just plain rude. Respect my time and I will respect yours. 7. You may play for a great football team, but you are a student. You are expected to attend class and pass your classes. If you fail you will be put on probation, twice you are off the team. If you cheat….goodbye. And don’t even try to use the excuse that you can’t make the grades because of all you have to do with practice, team meetings, etc. Let me introduce you to something called multi-tasking….we all do it…it is part of being an adult.

8. During the season, curfew is 11 pm during the week and 1 am on the Saturday nights after a game. There is nothing for you to do after that time but get into trouble. And if you think for one minute you are ready to be intimate with a girl….come spend a few hours at my house taking care of my kids and I guarantee you that you will rethink that decision.

9. Break a law and after you get done answering to me, you will be off the team. You have been blessed with talent and an opportunity…..but that does NOT make you above the law. Let’s review some basic laws: The legal drinking age is 21. Drink and Get in a Car and I will personally take away your keys; take you to and from school, practice, and all activities necessary for 6 months. In addition, pack your bags because you will be bunking at my house and sharing a room with my 5 year old. If you are going to be so irresponsible….let me make sure you have a roommate of the same maturity level. Drugs are illegal….so is carrying a weapon. The excuse “I was carrying it for someone else” will not be acceptable. If you are hanging out with people that “carry” that kind of stuff- you are guilty by association. I suggest you try and make some new friends. Assault will get you time in jail….I really don’t care who or why you hit someone. Hands are for helping not hurting. On a final note…snacks will be provided after every game.