Mom Confession: I Got Stressed And Snapped At My Ex

Yesterday was the first day of school for the children.  They were all awake VERY early, eager with anticipation.  My two oldest are a freshman and sophomore in high school.  Loughlin had the excitement that comes with not being the baby in the school and knowing her way around, her sister Aidan was a bundle of nerves about going.  They were up at 5:30 am picking out their outfits (they must have tried on EVERY outfit in their closet…the one I  had them pick up the night before), straightening their hair (which always makes me smile because their hair is naturally straight as a board but it is what all the girls do), and carefully applying the little bit of make-up that they are allowed to wear.  My son was ready for his first day of middle school-a little anxious about what it would be like to be the only child from our family in a new school.  He is blessed to have a sister a year younger and they have been at the same school since they can remember.  The little three ones were up, dressed, and waiting at the door with their backpacks and lunchboxes in hand well before we needed to leave.  It took two hours to drop everyone off and after I kissed my last baby goodbye as he walked into his kindergarten class-I found myself a little stressed thinking how am I going to juggle three school dropoffs and get in all my work for the radio station and writing deadlines before I have to start the first car pickup 5 hours after the last drop off.  Then there was the plumber coming to fix the bathroom shower so all seven of us aren’t using one, the great news that he might need to put a hole in the downstairs bathroom to fix it that will cost me another $200 I don’t have, the laundry I need to run, all the work piled on my desk at the office since I took Friday off for orientation, a billion papers that needed to be filled out for the kids, and all the other stuff that all of us as parents find ourselves juggling.  Another two hours in the car picking kids up from school, hearing exciting stories about the first day and holding a few that were a bit overwhelmed, and I was exhausted.  We rush in the door with 35 minutes to spare.  I throw dinner from the crockpot that I had started at 5 am on the table so we can sit for a minute as a family before we have to rush out the door to football practice.  
At practice, in the 100 degree weather, after a very long day, my ex-husband comes strolling out to practice.  I thought he was supposed to be out of town.  He came in early and didn’t even bother to call.  I was so stressed and exhausted and he got home early and didn’t think of all that accompanies six kids on the first day of school and didn’t offer to help? I just snapped.  Usually I am pretty easy-going…but I just lost it. We really work at getting along and we do for our children. The children know that we are both always there for them and they can call either of us anytime.  We live less than a mile from each other and they can see their dad anytime.  But tonight it just set me off.  My mouth got ahead of my head and my heart and I called him a jerk and my two youngest girls were standing there.  On the way home Elspeth asked me why I didn’t love daddy anymore.  Moira wanted to know why did I call him a name.  I tried to explain to them that I will always love their daddy but sometimes I get mad at him, just like they get mad at each other.  After they all went to bed I felt so bad…bad that I snapped instead of telling him why I was mad.  I felt bad that they heard me call him that. 
I know in the big picture this will be a blip on the screen.  This morning their dad came by to pitch in and I could tell he was making the extra effort.  I hope that the kids see that even though we get mad at each other, we still respect each other, forgive each other, and will always be there for them.