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Talking About Penn State With the Kiddos

December 7, 2011 by Julie Cole Leave a Comment

It’s a sad day when you have to sit your kids down to warn them about being too trusting of coaches and mentors.

Last weekend, the whole family was in the truck and Daddy-o needed to dash into a shop. The rest of us waited in the vehicle, talking about capital cities. By the time he returned, we were in a big conversation about Penn State.

He shot me the “how the heck did that happen?” look.

As it turned out, the conversation went in a direction that provided an opportunity for this discussion. Besides, I had the undivided attention of all of them and had to take advantage of that.

I tried to explain the situation in simple terms – it was discovered that a trusted and loved coach was touching children in their private areas over many, many years.

The point of the discussion was three fold; it was a chance to:

  • Remind them that people we love and trust can hurt us.

 

  • Once again say that if an adult ever tells them to keep a secret from me, unless it has to do with a gift, it’s a red flag. Adults don’t ask children to keep secrets from their parents.

 

  • Re-state that no one is ever allowed to touch them or make them touch. If there is touching of any kind that makes them uncomfortable, they are encouraged to speak up and self-advocate, knowing that they will be supported by their family.

 

Then came the question period, and boy, did they ever do a good job of it. Three questions were particularly difficult and I was completely unprepared for them. I fielded them with honesty and think it went as well as it could.

Question #1: Why would a grown-up WANT to touch a child like that?

(Insert my sad explanation about creepy pedophiles and the things they will do to “groom” a child).

Question #2: What if the kid didn’t tell the coach to stop? What if the coach didn’t know the kid didn’t want to be touched?

(Insert my explanation that adults KNOW it’s wrong. Even when kids don’t speak up, adults know it’s against the law).

Question #3: What if the coach didn’t actually “hurt” the child?

(Insert my explanation of different kinds of abuse, and how the ones that don’t physically hurt can be just as/even more damaging).

How did you deal with Penn State? Did you use it as an opportunity to speak with your kids about the hard stuff, or was it just too difficult to go there?

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About Julie Cole

Julie is the mother of six and a co-founding VP of Mabels Labels, the leading provider of labels for the stuff kids lose!®. After her son was diagnosed with autism, she shelved a legal career to monitor his therapy and launch a business that would strike a better work/life balance. Mabels Labels has grown from a basement start-up into an award winning international phenomenon. It has been featured everywhere from The View to Forbes.com and is widely recognized for its business and product excellence. As company spokeswoman, Julie is a well-known personality amongst mom entrepreneurs and her dynamic personality has led to numerous speaking engagements, from morning TV to university business classes. With humor and candor, Julies writing focuses on her experiences raising a big, happy family while running a successful business, and has appeared in Chicken Soup For the Soul - Power Moms and numerous websites. Follow her on Twitter @JulieCole Julie Cole
www.mabelslabels.com

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