4 mins read

This Mom Needs A Job…Why Not CEO of GM?

As I forge ahead in my quest to find work, I have tried to get creative in what I could do. Since my oldest child just turned sixteen and is preparing to get her driver’s license, gulp, automobiles have been on my mind. Then it hit me. Maybe I should apply to become the CEO of a major automobile company. At one point, GM hired someone with no auto experience to be their general manager. So why not hire me? Who on earth is more efficient than a mom? Who knows what is really necessary in a car better than a mom?

Here are a few of my ideas:

1. All of the cars will come with a GPS system at no extra charge. But it will be a man’s voice and he will always start by complimenting you. You sit in the seat and he tells you how happy he is that you are back. He says you feel lighter, you must be losing weight. The driver’s seat will have sensors and be able to feel tension. It will become a massage chair for those really crazy carpool days. It is safer for everyone on the road if a person drives around feeling good about themselves and is not stressed. See, I am also helping to cut down on the instances of road rage.

2. If you are under the age of 25 there will be a special lock device so that the car can not go over 70 mph. There will also be a computer chip in each stereo sound system. If you play it too loud and start pounding the bass, your mother’s voice comes on telling you to turn it down. If the volume does not decrease, then the music cuts off and for the next 10 miles all you hear is the sounding of a baby crying….like the one you woke up at the red light by blasting your bass.

3. Men who go into a dealership to buy a “mid-life” crisis convertible will be given a mini-van. The extra money that you saved because you got a minivan instead of a convertible will be used to send your wife on a nice trip. It is time for men to realize that when a woman sees you driving a little sports car, what she thinks is, “yep, there is another man having a mid-life crisis thinking his car makes him cool”. Involved dads driving their kids around, now that is a CHICK MAGNET!!!!!

4. Each and every seat in the car will have a sensor and the engine will not start until the seat belt is buckled on every person in the car. If your child decides to be Houdini and unbuckle themselves, an alarm will sound so you can pull over and get them buckled. The alarm will be really loud and obnoxious so the kids start to have a Pavlovian response and won’t ever get unbuckled!

5. Most importantly, there will be an automatic vacuum system in every car which will suck up the trash, chicken nuggets, gold fish, and the occasional stray sock.

Given a little time I think I could really make a difference in the auto industry. I might as well go ahead and apply, the worst they can say is no. I made a commitment to make the most out of losing my job and what better time in my life to try something new? Of course, I was also thinking if I don’t hear back from them maybe I audition to be one of the Jonas Brothers back-up singers. Who says I can’t sing (well, other than my kids)?

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