• Skip to content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Shop ModernMom
  • Become An Insider

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • ModernMom Monday Videos
  • Cooking
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Lifestyle
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
    • Brooke Burke
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Must Have
  • Contests
  • Entertainment

How I Overcame Post-Partum Depression

February 24, 2011 by The Unnatural Mother Leave a Comment

Seven years ago, I gave birth to my first little bugger. I honestly can say that I don’t know where the time has gone. Seven years flew by with a snap of my fingers, I can remember every detail about his delivery and our first night home yet I can’t tell you what I did two hours ago. I was the stereotypical, SNL episode mocking of a first time mom, maybe even a tad crazier. I named my blog during his first three months of life, little did I know I’d have a blog, I actually thought it’d be a book, a girl could dream, right?

Nevertheless, whoever said that once you became a mom caring for a child would come naturally is a damn liar. That goes for all my friends and family who said “don’t worry it all comes naturally” every time I insisted that I had no idea how to care for a little itty bitty baby. When I said I had no idea, I meant I HAD NO IDEA. My sisters and closest friends all had babies before me; it was a very rare event that I held their children; I was uncomfortable, afraid to break their children and then never ever see them again. It took a good four months before I felt comfortable holding and nursing my own baby, and it was at the end of his first year when I was completely comfortable and could actually call myself a “Mom”. It was a year after that when the mere thought of having another child popped into my head was not terrifying.

The first three months of my baby boy’s life was torture for me. The pediatrician’s were on speed dial, and I called them like they were my personal assistants. I called for everything, and I mean everything. At one point, the pediatrician told me that the overnight line was for emergencies only. Um, so the temperature I should keep my home on wasn’t an emergency? Well, for me it was. 68 was too cold, and 72 well, he’d stop breathing and die of SIDS in the middle of the night. I was that new mom, the one that kept a feeding, pooping, number of diapers log. I logged the actual time, the number of minutes he nursed, which side, and if he fell asleep during nursing. Along with that I logged every time I changed him, including the consistency of his movements. Yes, oh yes, I did. My friends and family were astonished at how nutty I became. When I tell people that I could not boil water the first three months of his life, I am not lying. The actual thought of making dinner paralyzed me. Thankfully (for my husband), my mom made dinner for us for the first 4 months and my mother-in-law washed and folded all the baby’s clothes for that long as well. I was a lucky girl. You have no idea the excitement I had when I had the courage, strength, and communication skills to pick up the phone and dial out for dinner, I think it was month four and that feeling was beautiful.

I have to admit that I did suffer from post-partum depression (PPD); however I had no idea until one of my close friends told me. Picture this – it was month three; I am out to a diner with some friends, spouting out all my woes, my stresses, my thoughts that I was useless, worthless, incapable of anything, and out of the mouth of my close friend Shannon pops “You have Post Partum”. Well, for the rest of that meal, I couldn’t concentrate on a thing. I may have ordered liver, ate it and would have never known the difference. I was paralyzed with fear. I finally had a name attached to my feelings, yet all I knew about PPD was Andrea Yeats. Would my case be that severe? Was this really happening to me? Oh shit, ya think if I went to the bathroom and hopped on a plane to Hawaii anyone would notice? The fact that I was called out shell-shocked me for a good two weeks, not that I had suffered from PPD but that I was in so deep that I had no idea. Couple that with my lack of confidence, general anxiety, and my quest for perfection in everything I do, well I guess you can say I was kind of useless.

Sleep deprivation didn’t help me either, nor does it help anyone for that matter but ask a new mother if she knew what sleep deprivation was before she had a child, I bet she’ll say “HELL NO”. I know I didn’t. What I knew was that in my lifetime I experienced several severe hangovers, coming home at five a.m. to go to work at nine – at that time in my life, I would have welcomed that walk in the park; it would have been a much needed break and an escape from a baby that didn’t sleep. I also had the baby that nursed every two hours for about four months, slept in 20 minute intervals, and couldn’t poop to save his little life. I actually had my mother come over at some insane hour to shove a thermometer up his butt because I couldn’t handle it. And honestly the satisfaction of seeing poop shoot from his tush still brings tears of happiness to my eyes. At one point, I had only had 12 hours of sleep in three days; I was literally losing my mind. I experienced a tremendous amount of “what ifs”. Like: “What if I fell down the stairs while holding the baby, fell on top of him, and suffocated him?” or “What if when I was showering the baby cried himself to death?” Guess who brought the bassinet in the shower after that one? Did I ever want to harm him? NO. My PPD was exasperated by my lack of confidence in my ability to do the right thing. These thoughts were terrifying. One time, I accidently hit his head on the door frame, I called my husband in hysterics in the middle of the night (he’s with the FDNY) and then for the rest of time we were in that apartment, I had to enter the room sideways or backwards. Call me crazy, I can handle it.

My pediatrician couldn’t have said it better, he said that the month before your baby arrives you are a productive member of society and three days after you deliver, you are sitting in a corner with your thumb in your mouth babbling “ba ba ba ba ba ba ba”. Well, Dr. that is exactly how I felt, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, well, no, that’s a lie, and I’d change a few things. Nevertheless, when you’re in the thick of disaster, you never think you going to get out, recover, or survive. Seven years have flown bye, and my big little bugger is a wonderful, respectful, fun little character and still a horrible sleeper, that rat bastard!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Parenting, Pregnancy

About The Unnatural Mother

The name "The Unnatural Mother" came to Deanna a little over eight years ago when her first son was born. She was told that her maternal instincts would kick in as soon as the baby came flying out of her vajayjay. Eight years later, a ton of gray hair, and Deanna is still waiting for those maternal instincts to kick her in the ass! In the meantime, she writes, runs, and manages the stress of working full time, spaghetti on the ceiling, a dumped out fish bowl, a lizard, two active boys, being a wife to an incredible husband who busts her chops - daily, which of course, leaves her no time to clean the house. To catch more on how Deanna tries to get it all done without completely failing visit her at The Unnatural Mother, www.theunnaturalmother.com. Twitter love: @UnnaturalMother
Deanna

Reader Interactions

Primary Sidebar

Search

Tell a friend

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

ModernMom TV

Featured

10 Things Nobody Will Tell You About Having A Baby

After reading "20 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Kids," I … [Read More...] about 10 Things Nobody Will Tell You About Having A Baby

Must Have

STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

April has arrived which means it’s time to pull out the food … [Read More...] about STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

Did you know?

Signs of Water Breaking in Pregnancy

Signs of Water Breaking in Pregnancy

Best Way to Cook Boneless Shoulder Steak

The Best Way to Cook Boneless Shoulder Steak

can you get pregnant on birth control pill if you miss one day

Can You Get Pregnant on Birth Control Pill If You Miss One Day?

what type of vitamins help fertility

What Type of Vitamins Help Fertility?

Baby Hair Growth

Baby Hair Growth

average breast size of a woman

The Average Breast Size of a Woman

Post-Pregnancy Headaches

Post-Pregnancy Headaches

Refrigerate Fresh Lemon Juice

How Long Can You Refrigerate Fresh Lemon Juice?

Academic Parental Pressure on Kids

The Effects of Academic Parental Pressure on Kids

Mild Cramping During Early Stages of Pregnancy

Footer

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2023 Modern Mom. All Rights Reserved.

Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc.

The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.