People come to our agency from all walks of life and they all have one thing in common: they want to be parents. For a variety of reasons, they have – so far – been unable to fulfill their dream. Many people come to us after years of disappointing fertility treatments, numerous miscarriages, and other experiences of infertility and disappointment. They desperately want a baby to join their family and share their loving.
The People Who Come to Us
In one way or another, the people who come to us have bodies that have failed them in one way or another. They face a wide range of challenges. A woman in her 30s developed an auto-immune disease which doesn’t allow her to escape the steroids she relies on to keep her alive for the months of gestation required to carry a healthy newborn. A couple who married later in life want to start the family, now that they’ve both found the right partner. And we see men – straight and gay, young and old – who’ve wanted to be fathers all their lives.
They all ask questions – many, many questions. Will this work? How much will it cost? How do we know the surrogate won’t want to keep the baby herself? And then there are the questions they don’t ask: How am I going to explain this to my family? Will my baby love me? What if something happens to the surrogate? What if this doesn’t work? What if there are multiples? How can I ever thank or repay someone for doing this for me?
Is Surrogacy for You?
How will you know if surrogacy is right for you? Here are a few tips to help you clarify the answer for yourself:
Ask around in your community and in your circle of friends to see if someone you know or know of has used a surrogate or been a surrogate. The good news is that surrogacy is becoming much more common. If you find someone with experience, ask them questions. Ask them for referrals. Also, reproductive endocrinologists and obstetricians will often refer their patients to trusted resources, including reputable surrogacy agencies, attorneys who specialize in family formation law, psychologists, etc.
Assess Your Financial Commitment
Honestly assess your financial situation. Put together the various numbers and budget out the cost. Is this a long-term or a short-term goal? While it may be tempting to allow your emotions to lead, it’s best to take your time and plan. There may be hidden costs you aren’t yet aware of. A good agency can help you with the pricing and alert you to possible unexpected costs.
Do Some Soul-Searching
Speak with your spouse, your partner, and/or a trusted friend. Talk about your fears and hopes. Explore all the possibilities. Speak with your doctor. Let it all out with your therapist. Grieve your other losses and look toward the future. Where do you see yourself in one year? In two years? Do you have the willingness, strength, and support necessary to go forward?
An Amazing Journey
Surrogacy is an amazing and beautiful journey. The surrogates I’ve worked with describe the experience of giving the gift of a child to another human being as one of the most precious experiences of their lives. The moment in the hospital when the new parents first set eyes on their newborn baby is the moment that makes the entire process worthwhile – even beyond what the surrogate had imagined. The new parents are often speechless. All the anticipation and fears and doubts melt away. What a gift to be given and to receive.
Is surrogacy for you?
Lean into it. Start taking action and see what comes forward. There are many professional, experienced, and caring people out there willing to support you in making this decision