• Skip to content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Shop ModernMom
  • Become An Insider

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • ModernMom Monday Videos
  • Cooking
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Lifestyle
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
    • Brooke Burke
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Must Have
  • Contests
  • Entertainment

Overinvolved Sports Parents: A Plea for Sanity

June 27, 2011 by Abby Margolis Newman Leave a Comment

Did you hear the story about the crazed “Little League Mom” who stalked, threatened and harassed a Little League official after her son failed to make the summer travel baseball team- and who then arranged to have the official killed?


Sounds like an episode of “Monk,” doesn’t it? But except for the murder part, all of this actually happened last month in East Meadow, N.Y. Janet Chiauzzi, 44 and mother of two, was arrested on June 18 by the Nassau County Police and later released on bail. The 12 separate charges included multiple counts of stalking, falsely reporting an incident, endangering the welfare of a child and aggravated harassment.

Now I understand that Ms. Chiauzzi is an extreme case, but: what the hell is going on in kids’ sports these days? Some parents seem to treat their children’s games like life-and-death matters… but isn’t the point for the kids to have fun, get exercise, learn about teamwork, experience the ecstasy of victory and the agony of defeat-and to learn to deal with either outcome with at least a modicum of grace?

If you think about it, this attitude is simply the logical extension of a pervasive culture within modern parenting: call it the “helicopter” or “tiger parent” generation; but whatever label you want to use, many of today’s parents are way, way too invested in their children’s achievements-or lack thereof.

This applies in all kinds of situations-academic, artistic, athletic-as it seems more and more parents see their role as their child’s resume-builder for the much-feared college application process (and even beyond: my friend Sarah told me a story about a law-school graduate whose mother called HR at the firm that had hired him, trying to negotiate the details of her son’s job offer. Not surprisingly, the offer was withdrawn).

But the downward trend in civility and respect in the realm of kids’ sports is a disheartening devolution within our society. My youngest son, Henry, who is 12, also plays Little League in our northern California town. In truth, I am not immune from being a little stressed-out during some of Henry’s games. He is not usually a pitcher but is sometimes asked to pitch; watching him on the mound makes me a little nervous. And knowing how hard on himself he can be after a strikeout, error or close loss, I feel his pain deeply. I am not a perfect sports parent, but I try to maintain at least a minimum of detachment.

Henry and several of his friends made a little extra money during the spring Little League season by working as umpires for the younger kids’ games. Just so you understand the scenario: Henry and his friends are 11 and 12 years old. The games they umped involved kids who are 9 and 10 years old. By the end of the season, Henry and his friends collectively decided they never wanted to ump again.

Their calls were often (and loudly) questioned by parents and coaches. If they made the mistake of calling a ball a strike (or vice-versa)- or if, in a close play, they called a kid out when his coach or team’s parents thought he was safe- Henry and his friends would hear about it. Maybe I’m old-fashioned and/or naïve, but seriously: are you kidding? These are 11- and 12-year-old kids who are out there doing their best to make accurate calls. They, like any human beings, will sometimes make mistakes. So what? That’s baseball.

Parents, coaches, anyone involved in the venue of children’s sports: you need to lighten up. It is a game. Your child’s future admission to Harvard does not depend on whether a 12-year-old umpire (or even an adult umpire) incorrectly calls your child’s slide into second base, or whether your kid is the batter who strikes out to lose the game for his team, or any other upsetting or disappointing scenario that happens every single day in kids’ sports games.

Your child’s future does depend on this: learning to work and play well with others; learning to respect adults and others in positions of responsibility and authority; learning to lose graciously; learning to deal with disappointment without falling apart. These are all life lessons which enable our kids to grow into well-adjusted, unselfish, civil adults-things we can all agree, as parents, should be desired ends.

For the Tiger-Mom Generation, it is sometimes easy to lose perspective and to invest too much in the achievements of our kids, since it can feel like so many around us are doing the same- but the outcome is rarely good. Janet Chiauzzi of East Meadow, N.Y., learned this lesson the hard way.

 

 

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Uncategorized

About Abby Margolis Newman

Abby Margolis Newman, whose blog, "Un/lucky," can be found at abbymargolisnewman.blogspot.com, has been a freelance writer for almost 20 years, and is now lending her talent to ModernMom. She has written for The New York Times, Parenting, Working Mother, and Scholastic, among many other publications. Her earlier career incarnations include working as a film producer and as a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood and PBS. But in reality, she has spent the vast majority of her time over the last 18 years mothering three boys. She lives in Mill Valley, California. Follow her on Twitter @newmaniacs

Reader Interactions

Primary Sidebar

Search

Tell a friend

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

Featured

Coconut Oil

Why Coconut Oil Is So Good For Pregnant & Nursing Mothers

“Coconut oil contains large amounts of lauric acid, a … [Read More...] about Why Coconut Oil Is So Good For Pregnant & Nursing Mothers

Must Have

STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

April has arrived which means it’s time to pull out the food … [Read More...] about STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

Did you know?

How Early to Take a Pregnancy Test

How Early to Take a Pregnancy Test

tricks to get pen stains out of light clothes

Tricks to Get Pen Stains Out of Light Clothes

Freeze Cooked & Smoked Ham

How to Freeze Cooked & Smoked Ham

Signs That Your Toddler Has Been Touched Inappropriately

Symptoms of Pregnancy If HCG Injection Is Taken

Do You Have to Refrigerate Glazed Donuts?

Do You Have to Refrigerate Glazed Donuts?

Upper Abdominal Pain in Pregnancy

Upper Abdominal Pain in Pregnancy

Footer

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2023 Modern Mom. All Rights Reserved.

Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc.

The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.