Where Everybody Knows Your Name
I love my Reproductive Endocrinologist (better known as my fertility doctor.). I love him as well as every single member of his staff in a deep, would-throw-myself-in-front-of-a-bus-to-save-their-lives, committed sort of way. The funny thing is, I think they feel the same way about me. Well, maybe it isnt realistic to think they feel that way about their patients. But they make me feel like they love me in that way, and that is good enough for me. When I walk into their office, I feel like Norm walking into Cheers. I get a big, friendly warm welcome.
Why I dislike, “To Become Pregnant” Magazine
So it has been a long while since I had been to my fertility doctors office. After the IVF failed in August due to a lack of viable embryos (see Our Journey blog post) my husband and I decided to take a break from fertility. The very next month I needed surgery to remove my gallbladder, a result of a type of birth control pill I was on and all of the pregnancies I had. Then in November I surprisingly and unintentionally got pregnant naturally and went in to see my fertility doctor only to miscarry on Thanksgiving Day.
Finding Comfort in My Fertility Journey
So, it is much easier to give advice on what NOT to say to people who are struggling to conceive. But, the truth is, there isnt really a lot you CAN say to someone who is struggling with this difficult journey. Like with many hard things in life, there are no words to capture the sorrow, the pain, the loss and the heartache that this path brings. A caring supporters words can seem trite or meaningless, even with the best intentions. I have had many words of comfort said to me over the years and there is one note I received that stands out above the rest. I received the following note back in 2007 from a close family member. I saved it and have continued to read it during the more difficult times. I share it now because it continues to bring me comfort and strength.
Why Is It So Easy For Everyone Else to Get Pregnant?
While I was first trying to get pregnant, I worked as a Campus Minister at a wonderful local Catholic college. As Campus Minister, I mainly focused on organizing service learning trips in the US and abroad for the students. I also occasionally did retreat work with the students. During one of my first weekend retreats I had an extraordinary experience that changed my perspective forever.
Say What?
When it comes to infertility I have found that people just dont know what to say to those going through it. Then when they finally find the words, you kind of wish they hadnt. My husband and I have had many crazy things said to us throughout our journey. I find these statements mostly come from those closest to us who are having trouble seeing us go through the pain we are going through. The crazy part is people say these things and their words come from a place of love and care(mostly- there are exceptions!). I think our family and friends are trying to be helpful.