Over the summer, I have had the opportunity to be around lots of friends – some single, some married, some men, and some women. I’ve noticed that they all seemed to have one thing in common and it’s that there was a NAG amongst them. Sometimes it’s the men that are being nagged, and (yes, you guessed it) others are actually the Nags themselves.
I wanted to write about this, because I love my girlfriends and I really think that many women don’t even know that they are doing it. So I am just throwing it out there, if you read this and relate to it ladies then GREAT! Let it be a gentle reminder that “Nobody Like’s a NAG!!!”
Here’s the thing – we women like to control a lot, and I think that in terms of managing multiple things at once we ROCK. But because we rock, we tend to find fault in the guys when they fall behind on the tasks that are important to us. And that’s where the nagging begins.
I must tell you that from a Male’s perspective, if you are dating and he realizes that you fall into this category, frequently it will be a deal breaker in his mind and it could be the end.
If you are married, this is even worse because you can only kick the dog (no pun intended) for so long before he either bites you back or up and leaves. People cannot take this kind of treatment for long periods of time. And really, who wants to be that person – making another human being, and especially one that you love, feel badly.
Relationships are meant to be nurtured and cared for. Like a beautiful garden they take time, love, patience and gentle care to reach a full bloom. If you know that right now I am talking to you, then own your behavior and decide today to STOP.
There are things that you can do to work through these issues. Maybe it’s so bred into you because you grew up with a nagging mother who nagged her husband all the time so it’s like second nature. Whatever the reason it doesn’t matter!
People ask my husband and I all the time what’s our “secret” to having a wonderful relationship. We are going on 14 years now, and we have TWINS! I have to tell you there are several things we do. First of all we NEVER put each other down EVER, and we don’t pick at each other’s faults or areas of weakness (and we all have them folks, no one is perfect). We make time for each other first and foremost, even before the kids, because we know that if we are happy then our family is happy and together! Believe me, our kids our one of the most important things to us and I make sure they get everything they need – love, time, nurturing and a schedule that will allow them to thrive. I make it a point to connect and play with my kids when we are together but being a couple is first on the list it has to be!
We make sure that we are connecting and having GREAT sex is a HUGE part of that. You have to have this to be fulfilled – if this is not happening in your relationship, whether something is wrong or it’s just getting stale, than you need to SPICE it up!
My husband allows me to make mistakes without rubbing them in my face and I do the same. We build each other up never tearing each other down. Because I love him, I never want to make him feel badly or hurt his feelings. When we were married, I remember him saying something very profound to me. He said “I will always love you and take care of you, just always love me and be KIND to me.”
WOW. Be Kind. Out of all the things that he could have said, he said be kind. That showed me how incredibly important it is to make your partner feel good and that means you have to get rid of the nagging once and for all.
Look inside yourself and see where this form of anger is coming from. Be honest with yourself -it’s okay to admit that you are not perfect. Just write about it in a journal and begin to work on it. You may be with a man that seems to take it, and you know full well that he’s looking the other way. And maybe you like the control you think it gives you, but in the end you won’t win. There will be a breaking point for him, because he is human.
Try to let things roll if you find yourself getting steamed up about something that’s minor. Make the decision in that moment to say, “honey I love you” and walk away. Once you verbally say the word LOVE it really does make you feel better almost instantly. You may really be upset and you may be completely in the right, but if it’s hurting him then ultimately it’s hurting you both.
My goal with my posts is to help you in all the ways I can. I try to provide you with the things I have done that work for me as well as the things I haven’t done right so they could serve as a warning of what not to do. Take it or leave it, really it’s just my opinion. After years of watching friends’ marriages come and go, I can tell you that one of the major reasons for divorce is the lack of respect between two people. Never forget that you married this person because you love him, and always keep that love centered in your mind.
Lastly, saying you are sorry and owning up to this behavior can have a huge impact on him in a positive way. You don’t need to grovel – a simple “I’m sorry and I know I really need to work on this and I am committed to changing it because I don’t like it either” will do.