I’m trying desperately to get my third child hooked on the television.

I missed the boat completely with my first daughter, all she does is talk through movies and cartoons – it’s wretched. My second child can zone out with the best of them, which comes in very handy. But my youngest has a very spirited personality, so it is imperative she be a TV enthusiast.

The other morning I caught her watching Backyardigans. That program is probably my favorite children’s cartoon.  Since then, I ‘ve been playing it daily in hopes of getting her interested. By “interested,” I mean absorbed. Like I could go to the bathroom and she wouldn’t bang the door down trying to get in; like maybe I could blog and not have her climbing on me banging the f*cking keyboard every second. She is slowly breaking all the keys.

TV training is very important, contrary to what all the experts say. Why? Because I need to make dinner or talk on the phone sometimes, and no, crafts and role-playing won’t do. Thank you for the suggestion though. I wager if I had an “expert” come over, they would probably recommend that, along with TV, I should buy each of them their own iPad.

Remember – you need to control what your kids watch. For example, you don’t need them getting into Barney (I think he’s a knob). I also don’t like Bakugan or the Wiggles (wtf?). I wonder if you’re supposed to drop a hit of acid to watch the Wiggles? Do you think they’re druggies, perhaps? Honestly, who can dream up this kak and not be wonked out on drugs?

All I need is for my youngest to give me 10 minutes every now and then. I’m her b*tch currently. It’s humiliating and exhausting.  She’s eighteen months and she is still giving me everything she’s got.

*On a serious note, here’s all the bad stuff that happens to kids when they watch TV:

– Leigh