The Parent Perception Gap: Just How Engaged are Your Teens in School?
Do your teens struggle to stay engaged in school? Does their attention wander off in class, causing their grades to stumble?
By middle school, many students lose some interest in school. Then as they move to high school, this disengagement only becomes more pronounced!
Yet parents often remain unaware of its true extent. They have a gap in their knowledge of just how disengaged their kids are while they learn.
Despite this, I want to encourage you that student disengagement is not inevitable. Parents, you can help your kids cultivate an interest in learning.
The Parent Perception Gap
A significant barrier to addressing disengagement is the parent perception gap—the disconnect between how engaged parents believe their teens are versus how engaged students actually feel.
Many parents assume their children are actively participating in school, while instead teens are silently struggling with disinterest, stress, or lack of motivation.
Schools and families must work together to bridge this gap before disengagement turns into a long-term pattern.
To reignite students’ interest in learning, parents must intentionally cultivate motivation, resilience, and curiosity.
Parents play a critical role in supporting their teens through academic and personal challenges, particularly during major transitions like the shift from middle to high school. This milestone presents new opportunities but also requires a structured approach to ensure student success.
A Collective Approach to Student Success
Though engagement is key for teens to have good educational health, it often isn’t a priority in schools.
Instead, traditional school systems focus on performance over engagement. Youth should not have to choose between academic achievement and well-being.
We must rethink how success is defined. Parents and educators, don’t just look at your teens’ grades, instead see that:
- Peer learning is a valuable tool that encourages collaboration and deeper understanding.
- Success is measured over a lifetime, not just through grades and test scores.
- Each student has unique strengths and a personal path to achievement.
Rather than viewing teen disengagement as a failure, we should see it as an opportunity for growth.
Research by George Akerlof and Rachel Kranton highlights how personal identity is shaped by institutional engagement. A teen’s connection—or lack thereof—to school influences their self-perception, making it imperative for schools, families, and communities to work together to ensure students feel valued and capable.
Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop in the book The Disengaged Teen emphasize the urgent need for intervention from both educators and parents.
In a society that often pressures teens to excel in every aspect of life, it’s crucial to recognize that success is multidimensional. Even students who struggle academically can develop skills that allow them to thrive in the future.
Practical Next Steps
Parents and teachers, student engagement starts with open dialogue that goes beyond talking about grades.
Regular check-ins where teens feel safe discussing their struggles and successes help bridge the perception gap.
Try creating these conversations by asking students for input on what would make school more meaningful and relevant to them. You could also try implementing immediate rewards and progress monitoring to boost motivation.
Finally, be sure to recognize and celebrate progress, not just grades, to foster a sense of control over learning.
Additionally, outside resources such as life coaching can be a transformative intervention that helps students, educators, and parents to navigate the disengagement phenomenon. By providing structured support tailored to individual needs, coaching helps students:
- Develop self-awareness and goal-setting skills
- Navigate academic pressures and stress more effectively
- Build resilience and self-motivation
For educators, life coaching offers tools to foster engagement through differentiated learning approaches. Parents can also benefit by learning strategies to create an environment that nurtures exploration, curiosity, and emotional well-being. (Learn more about life coaching here.)
Our son once received advice from his older sister: “Don’t peak in high school.” This simple statement underscores a powerful truth—success is a journey, not a destination.
We must all work together to empower our teens, ensuring that they remain engaged, curious, and prepared for a future where their potential is limitless.
