This is a guest post by Toni Hammer. Check out her hilarious blog at Is It Bedtime Yet?
Toddlers are frustrating little boys and girls. They’re smart enough to memorize the lyrics to popular songs, but not smart enough to know they shouldn’t be singing those lyrics out loud in front of people. No one wants to hear a three-year-old singing about sex or drugs or whatever else is popular on the radio these days. They don’t know what the songs are about, but they’re going to sing them anyway—as loudly as possible and in the most public space you find yourself in.
If you asked them what they thought certain songs were about, though, I bet you’d get some pretty stellar answers…
Song Title: Waiting for a Girl Like You by Foreigner
Toddler interpretation: This is the song I sing to my sister’s Abby Cadabby doll when she’s not playing with it! Those pig tails are cute!
Song Title: It’s My Life by Bon Jovi
Toddler interpretation: A song about the biggest reason I throw a tantrum! It’s my life! I want cookies! Give me cookies!
Song Title: Livin’ on the Edge by Aerosmith
Toddler interpretation: This is Mom’s song about when I share the bed with her. She keeps saying she’s going to fall off any second if I don’t move over.
Song Title: Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke
Toddler interpretation: It’s the song about all the pictures I take with Dad’s phone!
Song Title: Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinead O’Connor
Toddler interpretation: Finally—a song about how I feel about my cup of milk.
Song Title: You’re So Vain by Carly Simon
Toddler interpretation: OMG someone wrote a song about my sister and how she’s always trying to look in the mirror and put on Mom’s make-up.
Song Title: You’re Still the One by Shania Twain
Toddler interpretation: A tribute to my pacifier. You will always have my heart and my oral fixation.
Song Title: Whoomp! (There it Is! By Tag Team
Toddler interpretation: This is the one about when I take a big number two in my diaper right after Mom puts me down for a nap!
Song Title: The Sign by Ace of Base
Toddler interpretation: It’s a song about Toys’R’Us! Every time I see their sign with the bright purple letters, I know I’m going to get a toy if I don’t throw a fit until after Mom and Dad pay for it.
Song Title: Gold Digger by Kanye West
Toddler interpretation: This one must be about how far I can stick my finger up my nose to pull out a giant booger.
Song Title: I Want to Hold Your Hand by The Beatles
Toddler interpretation: It’s my song to Mommy! Especially right after I pull out a giant booger.
Song Title: Another One Bites the Dust by Queen
Toddler interpretation: I shall sing about how I mercilessly tear down my brother’s block towers!
Song Title: Oops! …I Did It Again by Britney Spears
Toddler interpretation: An ode to those days when I poop a whole lot!
Song Title: MMMMBop by Hanson
Toddler interpretation: It’s a song written in my language!
Song Title: Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus
Toddler interpretation: I gave my mom a third degree tear with my giant head. This must be a song about that!
Toni Hammer never planned on having kids, but she’s now a stay-at-home mom to Lillian and Levi who were born 355 days apart because the universe has an awesome sense of humor She chronicles her mommy misadventures at Is It Bedtime Yet? and a book of the same name is being pitched to publishers right this very second. She’s a Scary Mommy contributor, Huffington Post blogger, and expert Top Chef watcher. If you’re a fellow social media addict, you can find her trying to be funny on Facebook and Twitter. She loves food she doesn’t have to cook, and drowns her mommy guilt in copious amounts of coffee and Diet Coke.
