Are We Speaking the Same Language?

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I find myself in unfamiliar territory these days. Difficult unknown waters, and on some days I feel like I’m drowning.

Why didn’t tweens come with a handbook? Why wasn’t psychology a prerequisite before becoming a mother? Why weren’t giving a magical dose of compassion and patience when it comes to dealing with child hormones and unexplainable attitudes?

Hey, if the make-up team at DWTS can sprinkle glitter dust on celebs and make them believe they can dance, why can’t I wish for Magic Mommy powder? Only in my dreams….

I truly believe that bits of information come our way to help us out at different times in our lives. I get loads of books and toys sent to me for review at ModernMom. Being the sponge that I am when it comes to different philosophies of raising a family, I try to glance through as much as I can.

Yesterday, while reading If Your Teen Could Talk by David B. Hooton, a light bulb went off in my head. It came to me on a day when I was struggling with one of my kids. She was feeling out of control, lying and not taking responsibility. I was feeling super frustrated, which only made things worse. We both ended up feeling unheard; it was as if we were speaking 2 different languages. I get so caught up in what I think my children should do and how they should handle certain situations.

I may not spend enough time really getting into their head about HOW they are feeling and why. The sad thing is that our children actually do not always have the ability to understand themselves enough to explain. They may actually speak another language, and it’s a child’s language, not an adult’s – so it’s no wonder we both struggle to understand one another.

I’m no doctor, so I will not begin to break down this concept, but do yourself a favor and read Hooton’s book. It’s a great read to help build parent-child relationships and perfect if you’re like me and have wondered what the hell is going on in your child’s head! It’s sad to me how much time we spend learning how to manage our children, discipline them, and control them. Why aren’t parents spending more time trying to understand them? I wish my kids could talk about their feelings, (which I know is even hard for most adults) but it sure would save everyone a lot of drama. I read this excerpt from Hooten’s book to my older daughters before one of our many mommy/daughter talks, which I often I call to stay connected.

I don’t think you really know who I am.
I’m not like everyone else.
You don’t know how I feel.
You don’t know what its like to be a teen today.
I hope this book helps.
Read it and you we’ll probably get along much better.
Trust me.

-Your Teen

My girls asked me who wrote that, and were so happy to hear that it was another child. They said, “That is exactly how I feel Mom”. I said, “I know, that’s why I’m reading the book.”
 

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