Self Help Dating Books…Really Helpful?

At 39 I am back in the dating world. Now when I was of a younger dating age, we would go to clubs and socials with great expectations that we would meet that partner for life. The prince charming we read about in the story books, our very own Richard Gere who would come to our work and sweep us off our feet like he did to Debra Winger at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman.  The reality is that 50% of us will go through a divorce. I am one of those statistics.  So here I am back in the dating world. The dating scene has changed tremendously in 15 years and I have gotten older and a bit rusty at this. I actually had one guy ask me out and then when I accepted he sent me a text that said, “With the gf tonight let’s talk tomorrow”. I may be learning the text lingo, but doesn’t “gf”mean girlfriend? Where do I begin to learn the art of dating in the 21st century? So far I have had a few good experiences and a few “not-so-good” experiences.  I decided it was time to get back to the basics and check out the self-help section at the bookstore. After glancing at a few I have decided that maybe being single isn’t so bad.

According to this book there are quality men out there and someone is going to marry them so why shouldn’t it be you.  How about because my “quality man” locator seems to be broken!  On my most recent date the guy asked me, “Do you really have six kids? Because I have a rule that I can’t date a woman with more than three”. I have a radio show about life with six kids, I have been on a reality show about my life with six kids, and I write about my kids…it is not like I am trying to hide them!  I am so exhausted just flipping through the pages of this book.  It recommends I do a very pricey “mud mask” in an effort to glow so I can attract that quality man. I feel like everyday I wear a mask of yogurt, pudding, dirt, and markers smudged on my face and in my hair and on my clothes from the kids and I have yet to see these quality men swarm around me!

I grabbed this book with great anticipation. Maybe this is what I need, to focus more on just loving myself and finding contentment with just being with me. Then I see it is written by non other than a former contestant and winner of the Bachelor and then the 2004 Bachelorette…Jen Schefft. Quick refresher…she got dumped both times! This makes me feel real good.  Here is a woman who after going on national TV to find true love, not once but twice, has given up and just writes about loving yourself and being okay with being alone.  

Now this is my kind of book.  I don’t drink much and I don’t have or really even like cats but I have the divorced part covered.  It really didn’t offer dating advice; but it did help me to remember what a comical journey it has been from marriage to divorce and back into the dating world.

After 3 hours of searching for the perfect self help book for dating I think I will just sit by myself on the couch and read for awhile.  Forget the self-help books.  I am finding a trash romance book.  Who says you are ever too old to believe in Prince Charming and the happily ever after.